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South-park

Stan: You guys, I'm getting that John Elway football helmet for Christmas.
Cartman: How do you know?
Stan: 'Cause I looked in my parents' closet last night.
Cartman: Yeah, well I sneaked around my mum's closet too and saw what I'm getting. The Ultravibe Pleasure 2000.
Stan: What's that?
Cartman: I don't know but it sounds pretty sweet.

Chef: Say, where's Kyle?
Stan: We committed him?
Chef: Why?
Cartman: Cause he kept seeing this brown piece of Christmas Poo everywhere that he went.
Chef: Christmas Poo? You mean Mr. Hankey, right?
Stan: Uh oh.

Mr. Garrison: It's not my fault you're raising him Pagan.
Sheila: Jewish!
Mr. Garrison: Whatever.

Sheila: You're upsetting the Jewish community!
Mr. Garrison: You are the Jewish community!

Mayor McDaniels: Are there any questions?
(Mr. Garrison raises hand)
Mayor McDaniels: Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Can we get rid of all the Mexicans?
Mayor McDaniels: No, Mr. Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans.
Mr. Garrison: Rats...

Alright, that does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.

Cartman

Sheila: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play? Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!
Mr. Garrison: ...So?
Sheila: So what makes you think he should play Joseph of Arimathea?
Mr. Garrison: Because it's Christmas?

Cartman: Oh dude! Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas!
Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.

Stan: Hey come on guys. We have to go to the mall and tell Santa Claus what we want for Christmas.
Cartman: Yeah. We'll see you later, Kyle. Guess there's no reason for you to come, since you don't get Christmas presents.
Kyle: No, but I get Channukah presents for eight days.
Cartman: Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame like that.

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