Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South-park

Cartman: How bout we sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch," in D-minor?
Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman!

Mr. Garrison: Who knows what a can food drive is?
Cartman: Isn't that where they cut open a chick's stomach to get the baby out?
Mr. Garrison: No, that's a caesarian section, Eric, but remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.

See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family because for them, $6.99 is two year's income.

Cartman

And can't we do a little better than creamed corn, creamed corn, and creamed corn? Please bring in more diverse food, children, or else Kenny's family going to have a pretty corny thanksgiving. (starts laughing) Corny! (laughs) Gravy! (laughs) Corny thanksgiving!

Mr. Garrison

Mr. McCormick: Dear God, we thank you for this... single can of green beans. And even though you took our son from us, and you enjoy tormenting us, we thank you. Amen.
Mrs. McCormick: Um... does anyone have a can opener?
Mr. McCormick: God dammit.

Bebe: I want a Starvin' Marvin!
Pip: Yes! I'll pay $50 for one!

Then maybe they should die and decrease the surplus population!

Cartman

Ms. Crabtree: SIT DOWN! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!
Stan: Ah, we're always running late, you ugly skank.
Mrs. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!
Stan: I said I can't wait to own a fishing tank.
Mrs. Crabtree: Oh. Well, neither can I.

Cartman: Well let's go home and start eating that candy.
Kyle: We can eat it at Cartman's house and see more naughty pictures of his mom.
Stan: Yeah.
Cartman: Hey! My mom said she was young, and needed the money!
Kyle: Cartman, those photos were taken, like, last month!

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