South Park Season 1 Quotes
Sheila: You're upsetting the Jewish community!
Mr. Garrison: You are the Jewish community!
- Permalink: You're upsetting the Jewish community! You are the Jewish comm...
Mayor McDaniels: Are there any questions?
(Mr. Garrison raises hand)
Mayor McDaniels: Yes, Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison: Can we get rid of all the Mexicans?
Mayor McDaniels: No, Mr. Garrison, we cannot get rid of all the Mexicans.
Mr. Garrison: Rats...
- Permalink: Are there any questions? (Mr. Garrison raises hand) Yes, Mr. ...
Alright, that does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking poo is where I draw the line.Cartman
- Permalink: Alright, that does it. Screw you guys, I'm going home. Talking p...
Sheila: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play? Don't you realize my son is Jewish?!
Mr. Garrison: ...So?
Sheila: So what makes you think he should play Joseph of Arimathea?
Mr. Garrison: Because it's Christmas?
- Permalink: How dare you include the Nativity in a school play? Don't you re...
Cartman: Oh dude! Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas!
Kyle: Shut up, fat boy!
Cartman: I'm not fat, I'm festively plump.
- Permalink: Oh dude! Kyle's mom is here to ruin Christmas! Shut up, fat bo...
Stan: Hey come on guys. We have to go to the mall and tell Santa Claus what we want for Christmas.
Cartman: Yeah. We'll see you later, Kyle. Guess there's no reason for you to come, since you don't get Christmas presents.
Kyle: No, but I get Channukah presents for eight days.
Cartman: Too bad it's usually a dreidel or something lame like that.
- Permalink: Hey come on guys. We have to go to the mall and tell Santa Claus...
Cartman: How bout we sing, "Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch," in D-minor?
Kyle: I told you not to call my mom a bitch Cartman!
- Permalink: How bout we sing, Kyle's Mom is a Stupid Bitch, in D-minor? I ...
Mr. Garrison: Who knows what a can food drive is?
Cartman: Isn't that where they cut open a chick's stomach to get the baby out?
Mr. Garrison: No, that's a caesarian section, Eric, but remember there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
- Permalink: Who knows what a can food drive is? Isn't that where they cut ...
See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you can eat all you want for just $6.99. That why everyone comes here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family because for them, $6.99 is two year's income.Cartman
- Permalink: See, this is what we call an all-you-can-eat buffet. Here you ca...
And can't we do a little better than creamed corn, creamed corn, and creamed corn? Please bring in more diverse food, children, or else Kenny's family going to have a pretty corny thanksgiving. (starts laughing) Corny! (laughs) Gravy! (laughs) Corny thanksgiving!Mr. Garrison
- Permalink: And can't we do a little better than creamed corn, creamed corn,...
Mr. McCormick: Dear God, we thank you for this... single can of green beans. And even though you took our son from us, and you enjoy tormenting us, we thank you. Amen.
Mrs. McCormick: Um... does anyone have a can opener?
Mr. McCormick: God dammit.
- Permalink: Dear God, we thank you for this... single can of green beans. An...
Bebe: I want a Starvin' Marvin!
Pip: Yes! I'll pay $50 for one!
- Permalink: I want a Starvin' Marvin! Yes! I'll pay $50 for one!
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