South Park Season 1

"Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut"

Cartman tries to discover who is father is and learns he was conceived at the 12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance; Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan enter a videotape of Cartman having a tea party with stuffed animals to America's Stupidest Home Videos.


Mr. Garrison takes the students on an archaeological dig and Cartman find s a mysterious triangle that lands him on TV. Soon Barbra Streisand comes to claim the triangle and only Robert Smith of the Cure can help.

"Tom's Rhinoplasty"

Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and soon discovers he can have his dream career: sleeping with hot chicks; Ms. Ellen substitutes for him and all the boys crush on her.


A new student, Damien, comes to South Park elementary and reveals he is the son of Satan and has come to find Jesus to arrange a boxing match with his father.

"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo"

Kyle's mother complains that the school's Christmas play favors Christianity and is not catering to other religions; Kyle is visited by Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo.

"Starvin' Marvin"

After seeing a Sally Struthers commercial, the boys adopt an Ehthiopian in order to get a free sports watch. Instead of the watch, the boys end up getting the Ehthiopian instead.


When Kenny is killed by the Mir space station he becomes a zombie. As he begins to infect the town, everyone thinks they have Pinkeye.


Stan's grandfather tries to convince Stan to help him commit suicide; Kyle's mother, Sheila Broflovski calls for a boycott of the boys' favorite show, Terrance and Phillip.

"An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

Kyle tries to crossbreed his pet elephant with Cartman's pot-bellied pig; Shelly picks on Stan; Mephisto makes a clone of Stan for his son's science project.

"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"

Stan gets a new dog, Sparky, who he discovers to be gay. Sparky, hurt by Stan, runs off and meets Big Gay Al.


Uncle Jimbo and Ned take the boys on a hunting trip in the mountains. Meanwhile, back in town Randy Marsh discovers the mountain is an active volcano about to erupt.

"Weight Gain 4000"

When a big event is coming with Kathie Lee Gifford, contest winner Eric Cartman is told to get in shape by the mayor, prompting him to use Weight Gain 4000. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison plots to kill Kathie Lee.

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"

Cartman dreams that aliens abduct him and give him an anal probe. However, after Ike gets abducted and a giant satellite dish comes out of Cartman's butt, he slowly starts to believe.

South Park
Air Dates:
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South Park Season 1 Quotes

Cartman: Hey, you guys. I know a scary story.
Kyle: Shut up, Cartman. You can't scare anybody.
Cartman: Oh, yeah? Have you guys ever heard of (slyly) Scuzzlebutt?
Stan: What-butt?
Cartman: Scuzzlebutt is a creature that lives up this very mountain and kills anybody who dares climb at the top.
Stan: Why?
Cartman: Because it loves the taste of blood and likes to add pieces to its deformed body.
Kyle: Deformed like how?
Cartman: Well... On his left arm, instead of a hand, he has...
Stan: A hook?
Kyle: A knife!
Cartman: No. A piece of celery...
Stan: Celery??
Cartman: Yes. And he walks with a limp, because one of his legs is missing. And where his leg should be, there's nothing but...Patrick Duffy.
Kyle: Patrick Duffy?! Damn it, Cartman! That's not scary!
Cartman: What do you mean? Haven't you ever seen "Step by Step"?? (continues) Anyway, he lives alone on his mountain and weaves baskets and other assorted crafts. They say that on quiet nights, you can hear him weaving his baskets... (imitates weaving sounds)
Stan: Cartman, you suck at telling scary stories!
Kyle: Yeah! Give me that flashlight!

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!
Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do...