South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
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South Park Season 1

"Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut"

Cartman tries to discover who is father is and learns he was conceived at the 12th Annual Drunken Barn Dance; Meanwhile, Kyle and Stan enter a videotape of Cartman having a tea party with stuffed animals to America's Stupidest Home Videos.

"Mecha-Streisand"

Mr. Garrison takes the students on an archaeological dig and Cartman find s a mysterious triangle that lands him on TV. Soon Barbra Streisand comes to claim the triangle and only Robert Smith of the Cure can help.

"Tom's Rhinoplasty"

Mr. Garrison gets a nose job and soon discovers he can have his dream career: sleeping with hot chicks; Ms. Ellen substitutes for him and all the boys crush on her.

"Damien"

A new student, Damien, comes to South Park elementary and reveals he is the son of Satan and has come to find Jesus to arrange a boxing match with his father.

"Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo"

Kyle's mother complains that the school's Christmas play favors Christianity and is not catering to other religions; Kyle is visited by Mr. Hankey, the Christmas poo.

"Starvin' Marvin"

After seeing a Sally Struthers commercial, the boys adopt an Ehthiopian in order to get a free sports watch. Instead of the watch, the boys end up getting the Ehthiopian instead.

"Pinkeye"

When Kenny is killed by the Mir space station he becomes a zombie. As he begins to infect the town, everyone thinks they have Pinkeye.

"Death"

Stan's grandfather tries to convince Stan to help him commit suicide; Kyle's mother, Sheila Broflovski calls for a boycott of the boys' favorite show, Terrance and Phillip.

"An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig"

Kyle tries to crossbreed his pet elephant with Cartman's pot-bellied pig; Shelly picks on Stan; Mephisto makes a clone of Stan for his son's science project.

"Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride"

Stan gets a new dog, Sparky, who he discovers to be gay. Sparky, hurt by Stan, runs off and meets Big Gay Al.

"Volcano"

Uncle Jimbo and Ned take the boys on a hunting trip in the mountains. Meanwhile, back in town Randy Marsh discovers the mountain is an active volcano about to erupt.

"Weight Gain 4000"

When a big event is coming with Kathie Lee Gifford, contest winner Eric Cartman is told to get in shape by the mayor, prompting him to use Weight Gain 4000. Meanwhile, Mr. Garrison plots to kill Kathie Lee.

"Cartman Gets an Anal Probe"

Cartman dreams that aliens abduct him and give him an anal probe. However, after Ike gets abducted and a giant satellite dish comes out of Cartman's butt, he slowly starts to believe.

Show:
Season:
1
Air Dates:
to
Total Episodes:
13

South Park Season 1 Quotes

Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!
Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do...