South Park

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy Central
South park
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Chief Running Water: Kid, I hate to break this to you, but your mother is what we Native Americans refer to as, 'Bear with Wiiide Canyon.'
Cartman: What do you mean?
Chief Running Water: She is, 'Doe who cannot keep legs together.'
Cartman: Huh??
Chief Running Water: Your mom's a slut.

Narrator: Who is Eric Cartman's father? Is it Chief Running Water? Or is it Chef? Is it Mephesto? Or that little monkey guy that follows him around? Or is it Mr. Garrison?
Jimbo: Nope. He's gay.
Mr. Garrison: You go to hell! You go to hell and you die!
Narrator: Is it Jimbo?
Jimbo: Daaagh!
Narrator: Or is it Officer Barbrady?
Officer Barbrady: Huh?! Where?!
Narrator: Or could it be Ned?
Ned: Could be.
Narrator: Or Mr. Broflovski??
Kyle: Dad, how could you?!
Narrator: Or is it the 1991 Denver Broncos? The answer is coming on an all-new South Park, in just four weeks.
Cartman: What?! Son of a bitch!!

Chef: Boy, what the fudge are you doing?
Cartman: You know just layin' down some rhymes, with the G-folk, know what I'm sayin'
Chef: Get in here!
Cartman: West siy-eede.

Ms. Crabtree: COME ON!!! WE'RE RUNNING LATE!!!
Stan: We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said "We're not getting on, you fat ugly bitch".
Ms Crabtree: Oh. Alright then... (drives away)
Kyle: Whoa dude.
Stan: I always wondered if that would work.

Don't feel too bad there, kid; I never knew who my father was, either. I mean, I did know who he was, and we had some great times together hunting and fishing... Well, hell, you know what I mean!

Jimbo

Mr. Hat, you need to admit you have a drinking problem. (to waiter) Another cosmo, please.

Mr. Garrison

Stan: Oh my god! They videotaped killing Kenny!
Kyle: You bastards!

Chief Running Water: (Narrating the flashback) I knew she wanted me because she kept saying romantic things.
Young Liane: Oh, Chief. I want your hot man chowder.
Young Chief: Whoa! Hello!

I said, 'Kyle, I will kick you in the nuts.' So I kicked him squ-ah in the nuts until he cried like Nancy Kerrigan.

Cartman

Kyle: Wait, isn't there some rule about not getting to cars with strangers?
Cartman: No, not when money's involved stupid!

Barbra Streisand: I'm Barbra Streisand!!
Stan: So.
Barbra Streisand: So!...well...So i'm a very famous and very important individual!
Stan: Like John Elway important?!
Barbra Streisand: What!
Stan: Do you know John Elway?
Barbra Streisand: No!
Stan: Oh, so you're really famous and important, but you don't know John Elway...

Guy on the Pony: Thanks Tom, the little eight year old was very shocked indeed when he came across a triangular object
Kyle: Well I was just digging around, and I was like 'dude! i found the triangle!' and my friends were all like 'dude' and I was all 'dude'...

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 137 in total

South Park Season 1 Quotes

Stan: Hey Cartman, how come the birthday invitation you gave me says "Green Megaman."
Kyle: Yeah, mine says "Red Megaman."
Cartman: Right, that's what your supposed to get me for my birthday.
Stan: DUDE!?!?! You're not supposed to tell people what to give you for your birthday!
Kyle: Yeah, that's weak.
Cartman: Look it's very simple guys. "Green Megaman" goes with "Red Megaman" and "Yellow Megaman" to make the "Ultra Mega Megaman." You have to have all 3 or it doesn't work, see?
Stan: Up yours Cartman, I'll get you whatever the hell I want.
Cartman: Ohh!!! so maybe you don't want to have any of my moms Cake, Pie, and Ice cream then.
Stan: Oh "Gre..Green Megaman" it is.
Cartman: Now as you can see Kenny, you are to get me "Yellow Megaman," that's because the "Yellow Megaman" is the cheapest one and I know how poor your family is.
(Damien walks to table)
Stan: Hey!?!?! what do you think you're doing new kid?
Cartman: Yeah, you can't sit with us weirdo.
Damien: Infidel's!!!! I will turn you all into "Beasts of Burden"!
Kyle: You can't sit with us new kid, go find another table!
(Damien goes and sits with Pip)
Cartman: (sighs) Anyway Kenny, "Yellow Megaman" is only $8.95, so maybe your mom can put it on layaway and make payments in a year, or two.
(Stan, Kyle, and Cartman laugh. Kenny punches Cartman)
Cartman: AYYY!!!!

Kyle: Dude, I have to save Ike! I don't even know what to do!
Stan: Well, we can't do anything now; that fat bitch won't let us!
Ms. Crabtree: WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?
Stan: I said that rabbits eat lettuce.
Ms. Crabtree: Oh. Well, yes, they certainly do...