The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Homer: Marge, I've figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats!
Marge: I don't think you've thought this through...

If you were seventeen, we'd be rich, but nooo...you had to be ten!

Homer

(Answers phone) Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

Wiggum

Bart: Oh, it's all my fault! I called him a dumb dog!
Homer: Oh, he's gone and he's never coming back...wait, there he is!...no, that's a horse.

Lisa: Poor Santa's Little Helper, I'm starting to think we'll never see him again!
Homer: That was his dish, and that was his leash...and that's where he took a whizz on the rug.

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?

Smithers: Wanna buy some cookies, wanna buy some cookies?
(Santa's Little Helper runs up to Smithers and greets him)
Burns: If that were a real girl scout, I would have been bothered by now!

Marge: Even if he has passed on, there's no reason to cry. Remember Doggie Heaven?
Homer: Oh, Marge, there is no such place!
Marge: (Clears throat, indicating Bart and Lisa)
Homer: Or, to put it another way, there is.

Bart, I need some lucky numbers, fast, how old are you? Uh huh, and what's your birthday?...No kidding, and what's Lisa's birthday? What, you don't know your sister's birthday, what kind of brother are you?

Homer

Well neighbor, I see you've got your running shoes on, that's a good thing!....Smithers, release the hounds.
(Flanders runs and screams like a litle girl)

Burns

Bart: I'm not giving up. I don't care if I have to knock on every door in this two-bit town. I'm going to find my dog!
Homer: And I'll be right here watching TV!

Marge: Well, we lost the money, but at least we still have each other.
Grampa: Hey, the dog's dead.

Displaying quotes 109 - 120 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Miss Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
Ralph Wiggum: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Miss. Hoover.

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.