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The-simpsons

Homer: I miss my couch.
Joe Frazier: I know how you feel, you lost the couch, I lost the heavyweight championship.
Homer: PfftHeavyweight Championship, there's like, three of those!

Lisa: This award is the biggest crock I ever saw.
Bart: What about the Emmys?
Lisa: I stand corrected.

Doctor: This can't be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!
Homer: Go to hell!

Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual...stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough...

Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.

Homer: All right, Herb. I'll give you the money, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Herb: Nope.
Homer: All right, then just give me the drinking bird.

Alright, a peanut!

</i> Barney

Lisa: Why didn't you write Unckie Herb?
Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you what was I suppose to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow thanks to your pop?"

I used to be rich. I owned Mickey Mouse massage parlors and those Disney sleaze balls shut me down. I said "Look, I'll change the logo, put Mickey's pants back on." Some guys you just can't reason with.

Hobo

Herb: Maggie...who brought me my fortune. I'll give you anything you want in the world
Maggie: -(machine)- I want what the dog's eating
Herb: I'll get you something nice.

This radio controlled plane gives your baby the chance to fly, just like my son here, he can execute the barrel roll, loopy loop, and bring it in for the perfect landing *smash*. Oh dear... my wife is going to kill me.

Professor Frink

Why did this have to happen now during prime time, when TV's brightest stars come out to shine?

Homer
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The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Lurleen's Song: That's why you flipped your pickup truck, right off the interstate!
Homer: That's right (fast) except for the pickup truck.

I'll make a wish that can't backfire! I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce, and mustard, and... I don't want any zombie turkeys, I don't wanna turn into a turkey myself, and I don't want any more weird surprises, you got it! (Homer eats)... Mmm, not bad, nice hot mustard, good bread, turkeys a little dry... THE TURKEY'S A LITTLE DRY!!!

Homer
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