The Simpsons

Sundays 8:00 PM on FOX
The simpsons
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Marge: How was your day at work, dear?
Homer: Oh, the usual...stand in front of this, open that, pull down this, bend over, spread apart that, turn your head that way, cough...

Bart: Unckie Herb, what advice would you give to a young boy who would most likely become a bum like yourself?
Herb: Discarded pizza boxes are an inexpensive source of cheese.

Doctor: This can't be right; this man has 104% body fat! Hey, no eating in the tank!
Homer: Go to hell!

Homer: All right, Herb. I'll give you the money, but first you have to forgive me and treat me like a brother.
Herb: Nope.
Homer: All right, then just give me the drinking bird.

Homer: I miss my couch.
Joe Frazier: I know how you feel, you lost the couch, I lost the heavyweight championship.
Homer: PfftHeavyweight Championship, there's like, three of those!

Lisa: This award is the biggest crock I ever saw.
Bart: What about the Emmys?
Lisa: I stand corrected.

Homer: Give me full power.
Salesman: But, sir?
Homer: Damn it! I said full power!

This radio controlled plane gives your baby the chance to fly, just like my son here, he can execute the barrel roll, loopy loop, and bring it in for the perfect landing *smash*. Oh dear... my wife is going to kill me.

Professor Frink

Except for huge gaps in the western states, "Hands Across America" was a complete success.

TV Announcer

Lisa: Why didn't you write Unckie Herb?
Herb: Hey, if I wrote to you what was I suppose to say? "Dear Lisa, last night I used a rat for a pillow thanks to your pop?"

Blablueeeh. (with the machine Herb invented) I have soiled myselfhow embarrassing.

Maggie

Marge, there's an empty spot I've always had inside me. I tried to fill it with family, religion, community service... but those were all dead ends. I think this chair is the answer.

Homer
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 489 in total

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Miss Hoover: Now put paste on your paper. Ralph, are you eating your paste?
Ralph Wiggum: (Gluestick poking out of his mouth) No, Miss. Hoover.

Principle Skinner: Oh, licking envelopes can be fun! All you have to do is make a game of it.
Bart: What kind of game?
Principle Skinner: Well, for example, you could see how many you could lick in an hour, then try to break that record.
Bart: Sounds like a pretty crappy game to me.
Principle Skinner: Yes, well... Get started.