Homer: I got you a gig on TV.
Lurleen: Oh Homer! You're as smart as you are handsome!
Homer: Hey!! Oh, you meant that as a compliment.

Much as I hate that man right now, you gotta love that suit.

Bart

Homer: I'm going now, and I don't know when you'll see me again
(he drives off, then comes back to drop Maggie off)
Lisa: I guess that executive stress ball we got him for Christmas isn't working.

Lurleen: My name's Lurleen Lumpkin.
Homer: That's a pretty name.
Lurleen: Oh, you think so?
Homer: Maybe. I'm not sure. I forgot it.

Homer: I've heard how this ends, it turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter!
Audience: Oooh!
Homer: Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!
Marge: Oh shut up Homer, no one wants to hear what you think!
Audience: Yeah! *applause*

Homer: Is there any room in that bed for a dag-burn fool?
Marge: Always has been.

Marge, let's end this feudin' and a fussin' and get down to some lovin'.

Homer

(on a mechanical bull) Ach! How come no one else's chair is doin' this?!

Willy

They don't call me Colonel Homer because I'm some dumb-ass army guy.

Homer

(Answers phone) Uh, no you've got the wrong number. This is 9-1... 2.

Wiggum

What makes a man endanger his job, and, yes, even his life, by asking me for money?

Mr. Burns

Smithers: People like dogs, Mr. Burns.
Burns: Nonsense, dogs are idiots. Think about it Smithers, if I came into your room and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over your face, what would you say?
Smithers: Umm...if you did it, sir?

The Simpsons Season 3 Quotes

Dearest Edna, I must leave you. Why, I cannot say. Where, you cannot know. How I will get there, I haven't decided yet. But one thing I can tell you, any time I hear the wind blow it will whisper the name Edna. And so let us part with a love that will echo through the ages. ---Woodrow

"Woodrow"

Patty: When you do good, I use the green pen. When you do bad, I use the red pen. Any questions?
Otto: Yeah, one. Have you always been a chick? I mean I don't want to offend you, but you were born a man, weren't you? You can tell me; I'm open-minded.
Patty: (Dropping the green pen) We won't be needing this.