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Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.

The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?

Dr. Wilson

House: (trying a differential) Balance organs, nerves, lungs, bones, heart.
Dr. Wilson: Things you use to make bratwurst.

House: I lost my mojo.
Dr. Wilson: Have you retraced your steps? Does your cleaning lady check your pockets before...?

House: Stuff you haven't eaten just proves you haven't eaten it.
Dr. Wilson: You were hoping for evidence of stuff I have eaten? First door on the right.

This has never been about what you missed. This has been about why you missed it.

Dr. Wilson: For the record, I'm uncomfortable violating a dead colleague's dignity.
House: It's only violating it if you find something.

Dr. Wilson: You're spying on your team.
House: Prioritize, Wilson! Is that what you really want to torture me about right now?

Dr. Wilson: Your crash was ten miles from the Orange County Progressive Pain Clinic.
House: You live ten miles from Mary's Dress Shop. Yet that's not even on my list of reasons that I think you're secretly a transvestite.

House: The cat was not predicting deaths. It was just trying to keep warm.
Dr. Wilson: Yes, dead people are renowned for their warm glow.

Dr. Wilson: I'm not always nice. I'm not nice to you.
House: Because you know nice bores me. Hence, still nice.

Kutner: And no marriage either if our patient keeps saying everything that comes into his head without regard for the consequences.
Dr. Wilson: (to House) You always led me to believe you were one of a kind.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.

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