This is why I don't answer your urgent patients. Because they aren't urgent patients.

House: I'll have whatever he's buying.
Dr. Wilson: Two cheeseburgers and two large fries.

We can't even argue on my schedule.

Hello? Uh... I don't know what department I want. Uh, I need... pants.

Dr. Wilson

Dr. Wilson: That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me.
House: I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.

Dr. Wilson: Yes, you can sit her running up my hotel bill, or you can go get the woman of your dreams.
House: I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.

Dr. Wilson: If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right and not worry about the consequences.
House: Yeah, it's worked out great for me.

House: You didn't tell me you were giving a paper.
Dr. Wilson: And that is wrong?
House: Last time you presented a paper, you gave me an advance paper and asked for feedback.
Dr. Wilson: And you're wondering why I wouldn't want to repeat that experience?

House: I just dozed off in front of the TV.
Wilson: With bedding?
House: Maybe!

Thirteen: Thanks.
Dr. Wilson: You're welcome. For what?
Thirteen: For thinking I was worth breaking the law to keep around.
Dr. Wilson: That's just the way I am. But still don't now what you're talking about.

It's easy to be nice to people you like. Being nice to people you hate, that's a skill.

Wilson: Did you even go to bed last night?
House: Bed is for sissies, unless you're having sex. In which case.. no, bed is still for sissies.

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.