This is why I don't answer your urgent patients. Because they aren't urgent patients.

House: I'll have whatever he's buying.
Dr. Wilson: Two cheeseburgers and two large fries.

We can't even argue on my schedule.

Hello? Uh... I don't know what department I want. Uh, I need... pants.

Dr. Wilson

Dr. Wilson: That was my paper. You don't ask what I want, you ignore my wishes, you drug me.
House: I'm waiting for you to name something new to our relationship.

Dr. Wilson: Yes, you can sit her running up my hotel bill, or you can go get the woman of your dreams.
House: I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.

Dr. Wilson: If there's one thing I've learned from you, it's that I should do what I think is right and not worry about the consequences.
House: Yeah, it's worked out great for me.

House: You didn't tell me you were giving a paper.
Dr. Wilson: And that is wrong?
House: Last time you presented a paper, you gave me an advance paper and asked for feedback.
Dr. Wilson: And you're wondering why I wouldn't want to repeat that experience?

House: I just dozed off in front of the TV.
Wilson: With bedding?
House: Maybe!

Thirteen: Thanks.
Dr. Wilson: You're welcome. For what?
Thirteen: For thinking I was worth breaking the law to keep around.
Dr. Wilson: That's just the way I am. But still don't now what you're talking about.

It's easy to be nice to people you like. Being nice to people you hate, that's a skill.

Wilson: Did you even go to bed last night?
House: Bed is for sissies, unless you're having sex. In which case.. no, bed is still for sissies.

House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House