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Wilson: You said it was keeping your mind off the pain.
House: That was before I discovered the Biggest Loser marathon on cable. I like to pretend they can see me eating.

Wilson: Is that my laundry?
House: You were running out of socks for me to borrow.

How hard are you trying not to make a ball joke right now?

Dr. Wilson: Why is it always reasonable in Houseland to take an emotional problem and sidestep it by turning it into a mechanical problem?
House: Because in Houseland - and the rest of the universe, by the way - when a question presents itself, it calls for an answer.

House: Admit it - you're curious why I want to make her angry.
Dr. Wilson: I'm sure it's convoluted, wrong, and stupid.

Dr. Wilson: The other wow. You were sober. She was sober.
House: Clean and sober and hot.
Dr. Wilson: Wow! This is fantastic. How are you gonna screw it up?

Dr. Wilson: How's the pain?
House: She's probably got some bruising.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, I get it. You're a stud.

House: I slept with Cuddy. After she helped me detox from Vicodin. I've been clean for almost 24 hours now. (Wilson stares) Okay. Thought I'd mention it.
Dr. Wilson: Wow. Wow! One for each.
House: That's what she said. Ha.

Dr. Wilson: Cuddy is not a Vicodin substitute.
House: Quite the opposite.
Dr. Wilson: You have to wait for her to be ready.
House: Great advice. You pretend that I'm gonna do that.

Dr. Wilson: The door was closed for a reason.
House: Well, now it's opened for a reason. We need to talk.
Patient: He just told me I have kidney cancer.
House: Then you obviously need a moment to process.

(about House) You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.

Dr. Wilson

House: Why aren't you in my office?
Dr. Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means?

Displaying quotes 85 - 96 of 127 in total

House Quotes

People don't get what they deserve. They just get what they get. There's nothing any of us can do about it.

House

House: Lift up your arms. You have a parasite.
Jill: Like a tapeworm or something?
House: Lie back and lift up your sweater. You can put your arms down.
Jill: Can you do anything about it?
House: Only for about a month or so. After that it becomes illegal to remove, except in a couple of states.
Jill: Illegal?
House: Don't worry. Many women learn to embrace this parasite. They name it, dress it up in tiny clothes, arrange playdates with other parasites...
Jill: Playdates...
House: (showing her sonogram) It has your eyes.