Negan: I feel like I ought to give you a signing bonus.
Eugene: i was gifted these pickles.

I am indeed a smarty pants.

Eugene

I report directly to Negan, which means you report directly to my ass.

Eugene

Hannah: You printed out a blog?
Chuck: No, I have assistants who can do that for me.

Isn't that the crazy part about all of this? Like, about being alive right now. That so much of your life, your world, can be destroyed by something called "Tumblr" without an 'e'?

Chuck

Chuck: Are you some kind of an activist?
Hannah: No, I don't even recycle.

Chuck: I'm not perfect! But I'm not saying I'm perfect. I'm a horny motherfucker with the impulse control of a toddler.
Hannah [sarcastically]: Well, that must be hard.

Why do you need me to know all this? Plenty of people wrote about Denise's story. Did you call all of them to come to your apartment? Which, by the way, is lovely. I had no idea novelists could make this much money.

Hannah

I may be stupid, but I'm not evil, sister. An invitation isn't inherently wrong or dangerous.

Chuck

Last year, I'm at a warehouse party in Bushwick, and this dude comes up to me, and he's like 'Horvath! We went to middle school together. East Lansing!' And I'm like, 'Oh my god, remember how crazy Mr. Lasky's class was? He was basically trying to molest me.' You know what this kid said? He looks at me in the middle of this fucking party, like he's a judge, and goes, 'That's a very serious accusation, Hannah.' And he walked away. And there I am, and I'm just 11 again, and I'm just getting my fucking neck rubbed. Because that stuff never goes away.

Hannah

You're not a journalist, Hannah. You're a fucking writer.

Chuck

God, everyone acts like this book is Philip Roth being the worst, but it's actually him being the best. And I know I'm not supposed to like him, because he's a misogynist and he demeans women, but I can't help it. I fucking love his writing.

Hannah