Once, long ago, a fisherman caught a magic haddock. The haddock offered him three wishes in return for its life. The fisherman said, “I’d like for my son to come home from the war. And a hundred pieces of gold.” The problem is, the magic haddock, like robots, don’t think like people. The fisherman’s son came home from the war, in a coffin. And the king sent a hundred gold pieces in recognition of his heroic death. The fisherman had one wish left. What do you think he wished for? Some people say he should have wished for an infinite series of wishes, but if your city proves anything, it is that granting all your wishes is not a good idea. [...] In fact, the fisherman wished he hadn’t wished the first two wishes.

The Doctor

The Doctor: What’s the opposite of a massacre?
Bill: What?
The Doctor: In my experience? A lecture.

Bill: Where are you going?
The Doctor: No idea. But if I look purposeful, they’ll think I’ve got a plan. If they think I’ve got a plan, at least they won’t try to think of a plan themselves!

You don’t call the helpline because you *are* the helpline.


Bill: Where are you going?!
The Doctor: It’s a giant smiley abattoir over there, and I’ve a very childish impulse to BLOW IT UP! Be right back!

The Doctor: Okay. I suppose I owe you an explanation. A long time ago, a thing happened. As a result of the thing, I made a promise. As a result of the promise, I have to stay on Earth.
Bill: Guarding a vault.
The Doctor: Guarding a vault!
Bill: Well, you’re not guarding the vault right now.
The Doctor: Yes, I am! I have a time machine! I can be back before we left!

Bill: So. Back up to your office for a cuppa, then?
The Doctor: Between here and my office, before the kettle boils, is everything that ever happened or ever will!

Nardole [sees Bill]: Why is she here?
The Doctor: Because she isn’t anywhere else.

Nardole: Excuse me? What *is* the TARDIS doing down here?
The Doctor: I’m over two thousand years old. I don’t always want to take the stairs.

You don’t “steer” the TARDIS! You *negotiate* with her! The still point between where you want to go and where you need to be. That’s where she takes you.

The Doctor

The first person to ever shoot me was a Texas Ranger.


Pete: Think I want this? I don't have a choice.
Sally: Why not?
Pete: Because I'm his son.