Kutner: House decided to humor these parents.
Dr. Wilson: Maybe he had a great cup of coffee, or a tremendous bowel movement.

Dr. Wilson: Yeah, that makes sense too.
House: "Too"?
Dr. Wilson: I was thinking you actually feel guilty about taking her away from her baby, but your explanation's good too. It's completely inconsistent with your character, but...
House: Thank you, Rationalization Man. You have saved the village!

House: Oh God, he's here.
Dr. Wilson: Who's here? The one you're pretending is your father? Good pick, he looks like Sean Connery. So back, when you were devising this fantasy, did you tell your father. "Dad, I refuse to recognize your existence because I have chosen James Bond as my dad."
House: I used different words.

Dr. Cuddy: Other doctors actually use their offices for crazy stuff like seeing patients. Not throwing a ball against the wall and calling it work.
Dr. Wilson: It's his process. That ball saves lives.

House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patients' eyes and act like you. "Oh, I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for in..."
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps calling her "Mrs. Moron."

House: So I should help (Stacy) because she hates me?
Dr. Wilson: She doesn't hate you. She loves you. She just... can't stand to be around you

House: Somebody told Vogler that I lied to the transplant committee.
Dr. Foreman: You think I did?
House: You're too careful. You wouldn't jump ship unless you knew what was in the water.
Dr. Foreman: Stop, you're embarrassing me.

Dr. Wilson: Seriously man, have you ever actually driven an automobile before? There are four gears, you know.
House: The '66 came with a shut-up button.

Dr. Wilson: Come on. You know how good you have it here.
House: Yes, I'm the big poobah, the big cheese, the go-to guy.

Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?
House: I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed, so I'm wide open.
Dr. Wilson: I was wrong - this is the musing out loud part. Do I actually need to be here?

Dr. Wilson: On the other hand, there is the 'do unto others' thingy?
House: Then I should definitely tell him. I'd want to know.
Dr. Wilson: You want to know everything. There's also the 'keeping your promises' thingy.
House: You never run out of thingies.

Dr. Wilson: You don't walk out of a room with ten milligrams of Haldol in your system, you don't walk at all.
Dr. Foreman: It was ten milligrams, I gave it to her...
Dr. Cuddy: It doesn't matter! Bacterial meningitis, highly contagious, if she is out of the hospital, we are so liable.
Dr. Wilson: Not to worry. She'll be dead before she can kill anybody.

House Quotes

I'm dead. How do you want to spend your last five months?

House [to Wilson]

House: This envelope is oddly medical license-shaped.
Dr. Foreman: House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.