Kutner: House decided to humor these parents.
Dr. Wilson: Maybe he had a great cup of coffee, or a tremendous bowel movement.

Dr. Wilson: Yeah, that makes sense too.
House: "Too"?
Dr. Wilson: I was thinking you actually feel guilty about taking her away from her baby, but your explanation's good too. It's completely inconsistent with your character, but...
House: Thank you, Rationalization Man. You have saved the village!

House: Oh God, he's here.
Dr. Wilson: Who's here? The one you're pretending is your father? Good pick, he looks like Sean Connery. So back, when you were devising this fantasy, did you tell your father. "Dad, I refuse to recognize your existence because I have chosen James Bond as my dad."
House: I used different words.

Dr. Cuddy: Other doctors actually use their offices for crazy stuff like seeing patients. Not throwing a ball against the wall and calling it work.
Dr. Wilson: It's his process. That ball saves lives.

House: If I wanted gifts, I would just look deep into my patients' eyes and act like you. "Oh, I'm so sorry you're dying, Mrs. Moron. Of course I'll sleep with you. What I lack in skill, I can make up for in..."
Dr. Wilson: You'd just wind up insulting her. Perhaps calling her "Mrs. Moron."

House: So I should help (Stacy) because she hates me?
Dr. Wilson: She doesn't hate you. She loves you. She just... can't stand to be around you

House: Somebody told Vogler that I lied to the transplant committee.
Dr. Foreman: You think I did?
House: You're too careful. You wouldn't jump ship unless you knew what was in the water.
Dr. Foreman: Stop, you're embarrassing me.

Dr. Wilson: Seriously man, have you ever actually driven an automobile before? There are four gears, you know.
House: The '66 came with a shut-up button.

Dr. Wilson: Come on. You know how good you have it here.
House: Yes, I'm the big poobah, the big cheese, the go-to guy.

Dr. Wilson: Oh, this is where I give you advice and pretend you're going to listen to it. I like this part. Did Rowan ask you not to tell?
House: I promised I wouldn't. My fingers were crossed, so I'm wide open.
Dr. Wilson: I was wrong - this is the musing out loud part. Do I actually need to be here?

Dr. Wilson: On the other hand, there is the 'do unto others' thingy?
House: Then I should definitely tell him. I'd want to know.
Dr. Wilson: You want to know everything. There's also the 'keeping your promises' thingy.
House: You never run out of thingies.

Dr. Wilson: You don't walk out of a room with ten milligrams of Haldol in your system, you don't walk at all.
Dr. Foreman: It was ten milligrams, I gave it to her...
Dr. Cuddy: It doesn't matter! Bacterial meningitis, highly contagious, if she is out of the hospital, we are so liable.
Dr. Wilson: Not to worry. She'll be dead before she can kill anybody.

House Quotes

Do you know what bisexual means? It doesn't mean you have sex with two people at once.

Thirteen

You know another really good business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect the kid for six months, which is why these companies think they can gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die than cough up forty bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop really fast.

House