Fake low blood sugar. Now that's acting.

Dr. Wilson

Yeah, and that girl dropped the charges against Kobe. Doesn't mean that he should call her and see if she's free to get a sundae.

Dr. Wilson: (quoting a poem from a patient of House's) "The healer with his magic powers! / I could rub his gentle brow for hours. / His manly chest, his stubbled jaw, / Everything about him leave me raw..."
House: Psych ward's upstairs
Dr. Wilson: "...with joy. Oh, House your very name / Will never leave this girl the same." It's not bad for an 82-year-old. She asked me to give that to her true love.
House: What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on.
Dr. Wilson: That's fairly disgusting.
House: That's ageism.
Dr. Wilson: You better watch yourself around this babe.

Dr. Wilson: I'm not gonna date a patient's daughter.
House: Very ethical. Of course, most married men would say they don't date at all.

House: She has God inside her. It would be easier to deal with a tumor.
Dr. Wilson: Maybe she's allergic to God.

House: We are condemned to useless labor...
Dr. Wilson: Fourth circle of hell. Charting goes a lot faster when you eliminate all classic poetry.
House: Writing down what we already know to be read by nobody. Pretty sure Dante would agree that qualifies as useless.
Dr. Wilson: You're over two weeks behind in your charting...
(Dr. Cuddy approaches them, and House throws a piece of paper towards her)
House: Oops... I missed!

Dr. Cuddy: And is there a paternity bet on the father of the patient?
House: Doesn't sound like me.
Dr. Wilson: Well, it does, actually, but doesn't mean you're guilty.

House Quotes

[To Foreman} That'd be redundant. I've got an angry black guy waiting for me to drop the soap right here.

House

(To Cuddy) If it turns out she has Meningitis, you're right, you win. But if we go back downstairs and she dies, pfft... your face will be so red!

House