Dr. Wilson: How's the pain?
House: She's probably got some bruising.
Dr. Wilson: Yeah, I get it. You're a stud.

House: I slept with Cuddy. After she helped me detox from Vicodin. I've been clean for almost 24 hours now. (Wilson stares) Okay. Thought I'd mention it.
Dr. Wilson: Wow. Wow! One for each.
House: That's what she said. Ha.

Dr. Wilson: Cuddy is not a Vicodin substitute.
House: Quite the opposite.
Dr. Wilson: You have to wait for her to be ready.
House: Great advice. You pretend that I'm gonna do that.

Dr. Wilson: The door was closed for a reason.
House: Well, now it's opened for a reason. We need to talk.
Patient: He just told me I have kidney cancer.
House: Then you obviously need a moment to process.

(about House) You did it to make his life better. It was a caring act. Which you did in a way that was immoral and illegal, but... baby steps.

Dr. Wilson

House: Why aren't you in my office?
Dr. Wilson: Because I know what the word "my" means?

Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Every time I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
House: That whole thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.

The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party. Have you seen Caligula?

Dr. Wilson

House: (trying a differential) Balance organs, nerves, lungs, bones, heart.
Dr. Wilson: Things you use to make bratwurst.

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