Family Guy

Family Guy Season 3 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 3 Episode 6: "Death Lives"

[the Ku Klux Klan are chasing Peter and Cleveland]
Peter: Holy crap, do you see what I see?
Cleveland: I'm afraid I do.
Peter: We're being chased by ghosts!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Diane: A tragic accident today in the north Providence area, a family of four lost their lives when their mini van swerved off the road and into a ravine, exploding on impact.
[Tom laughs]
Diane: Do you find this funny Tom?
Tom: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, I was remembering I accidentally put my shirt on inside out this morning. It's fine now though. So what were you saying about a.... fashion show?
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Cleveland: You just put Peter in the doghouse, which is where your mother...
Loretta: Don't say it.
Cleveland: Your mother smells
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cleveland: So where is it you need to go, my new honkey friend?
Peter: Rhode Island. That's not too far, is it?
Cleveland: Nothing's too far away from Maxine the cheatin' queen. Women. That's not fair, I'm just speaking out of hurt
 • Rating: Unrated

Death's Mom: Why can't you find a nice girl?
Death: Ma, she's gonna dump him.
Death's Mom: Well, at least he got that far. [to Peter]: You know who he took to the Prom? His cousin.
Peter: That's weak.
Death's Mom: Yeah
 • Rating: Unrated

Death's Mom: Death. Put your jacket on or you'll get frostbite.
Death: I don't have skin!
Death's Mom: That's 'cause you didn't eat your beans!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 5: "And the Wiener is..."

Quagmire: Hey there sweetie, how old are you?
Connie: 16.
Quagmire: 18? You first.
Connie: Mom!
Quagmire: I like where this is goin'. Giggety, giggety, gig-get-ty
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Doctor: Well Rudolph, we finally figured out what makes your nose red.
Rudolph: Is it pixie dust or leprechaun tails?
Doctor: No, it's a tumor.
Rudolph: You mean like a magical Christmas tumor?
Doctor: No, a malignant tumor, the base which is lodged deep within your brain.
Rudolph: Oh...Like a happy, special...
Doctor: You're going to die
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Oh, Peter! Isn't she beautiful?
Peter: Yeah, but I think she's with that guy, they've been holding hands all night.
Lois: Peter! I mean Meg!
Peter: Oh, yeah, she's hot
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Meg: Everybody! Guess what I am?
Stewie: Hmm, the end result of a drunken back seat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Dad, I know what to do. I saw it on Fox's When Bears Attack. Chris [to the bear]: Go away! Go on! Get! Stay tuned for an all-new Ally McBeal
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Peter: I'm trying to make love to you and all you can think about is Chris.
Lois: What?
Peter: Thanks to you, our son has a huge wang!
Lois: What do you mean?
Peter: Well, he certainly didn't get it from me?
Lois: Peter, what are you talking about?
Peter: I'll show you.
[Peter and Lois go to Chris' room while he is sleeping and Peter pulls back the covers]
Lois: Wow. No wonder he's always slouching
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lois: Meg, I'm like one of those bald eagles you see on the Discovery Channel. Beautiful to look at, but mess with one of my chicks and I'll use my razor sharp talons to rip your [over timer bleeps her out] eyes out. Cookies are done! Who wants chocolate chip?
Stewie: Oh! Oh! I do. But keep talking. All this talk about eye gouging has gotten me all frisky. Seriously, I've got about a half a pack of Rolaids in my diaper
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I used to date the pyro guy from Whitesnake.
Meg: What's Whitesnake?
Lois: That's the music mommies and daddies listen to
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Joe: Face it, Peter. Sooner or later your gonna have to pass the torch. I remember the first time Kevin beat me. I was so proud of him. I gave him a little congratulatory punch in the arm. And then another. And then everything got a little hazy. He had to live with a foster family for a while
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 4: "One If By Clam, Two If By Sea"

Eliza: Ew, your breath smells like kitty litter.
Stewie: I was curious!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Here's to our wives. They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining. [pause] But, um...you know, I don't know where I'm going with this
 • Rating: Unrated

Quagmire: I felt guilty once, but she woke up halfway through
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Stewie: What are the stakes of this wager?
Brian: Why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: Excellent and if I win?
Brian: I wasn't betting, why don't you just shut up for about a week?
Stewie: You're on!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Steve: Well, well, Officer Swanson. You and your friends are dead, you're all dead!
Peter: Oh, good, he thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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