Family Guy

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Read through our section of Family Guy quotes today. We update it on a weekly basis to include the most uproarious quips and one-liners from the funniest show on TV.

Oh I will find one. I mean, you are looking at the guy who found the fountain of youth. It is very far away from here,

Peter

Hey, its Thanksgiving. Shouldn't you be in Detroit losing a football game right about now.

Brian

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter

Well the fat man is never going to get back in time, and with him gone that makes you the man of the house.

Stewie

Hi there folks! Hand over the turkey!

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

Chris

Well last night me and Brian got drunk and ate the turkey, but before you get mad we also ate the salad.

Peter

Even though I know you never liked me, you still helped me when I really needed it. That says a lot about your character. I'm ashamed of myself, because I am none of the things you are. You're honest, and direct, and compassionate, aaaaand that's 72 hours! Enjoy your crap-hole dumbass!

Brian

When you were poor, you were always a douche, but at least you came by it honestly. But now, screwing over the people that helped you! I don't know how you sleep at night!

Quagmire

You know, I have a lot of fun up here in my room.

Stewie

Well, if anyone knows how to pull out it's Quagmire!

Stewie

Well, for the next 72 hours, I'm going to be harder to find than a nice cat.

Brian
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1951 in total
Simply put, it doesn't get any funnier than Family Guy quotes. And, also simply out, it doesn't get any more all-encompassing than our section of Family Guy quotes. We update it on a weekly basis and we organize it by season and by episode. So sit back now and try not to laugh riotously over these Family Guy quotes.

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Four years later me and Lois divorced and Stewie died. Gobble gobble.

Peter