Family Guy

Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
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Read through our section of Family Guy quotes today. We update it on a weekly basis to include the most uproarious quips and one-liners from the funniest show on TV.

I was wrong to chose sexiness over my wife.

Peter

Mr. Giraffe who lets little boys grind on his rump. Or Mr. Octopus who, who let's little boys grind on his rump.

Peter

Lois: I don't even know what this is anymore!
Peter: It's a strip club that gives away free cookies.

She just wrote "vagina" on her boobs! That doesn't even make any sense!

Peter

Brian: Stewie what are you doing?
Stewie: Being awesome.

That was the right thing to do Peter.

Lois

Like Moses and his buddy who liked to collect seashells.

Peter

Peter's Wife's Cookies.

Peter

If you say it like that one more time, I'm going to drown you.

Brian

Could you get me some yaww-gurt?

Stewie

Vegetable, meat, meat, vegetable, meat.

Stewie

How far away are the stars?

Peter
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 1919 in total
Simply put, it doesn't get any funnier than Family Guy quotes. And, also simply out, it doesn't get any more all-encompassing than our section of Family Guy quotes. We update it on a weekly basis and we organize it by season and by episode. So sit back now and try not to laugh riotously over these Family Guy quotes.

Family Guy Quotes

North Dakota, we're not even the best Dakota!

Peter

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

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