Hey, don't try to take this away from me. This is the only thing I've ever been good at. Well, this and timing my farts to a thunderstorm.

Peter

Brian [after getting off a very crowded bus]: What I wouldn't do for a big, juicy steak.
Indian guy: How dare you! To us, cows are sacred.
Indian guy #2: That's right. You are disrespecting our entire culture!
Indian guy #3: And why did Wes Anderson come here to make his worst movie?
Brian: Stewie! What do we do!?
Stewie: Quick. Hit the red buttons.
[He and Brian press the red dots on the Indian men's foreheads and they power down.]
Brian: Wow. That came in handy.

Joe: You and the gang? I'm the one who brought you here.
Peter: Yeah, well, you know something? The Mayflower also brought fungus which then became the potato famine.
Joe: What the hell are you talking about?
Peter: I don't know. I had like about four Ensures. I'm outta my mind.

Stewie: A peck on the cheek? Was that worth an $8000 coach ticket?
Brian: You know what? It's about the journey, not the destination.
Stewie: No, it's not. This sucked, and you failed.

Stewie: Oh, Padma, I meant to ask you, are there, like, Bengal tigers running loose in the cities?
Padma: I don't know. In America, are there annoying, talking babies always interrupting?

Joe, gag on my fat dauber.

Peter

Stewie:[about India]: Ah, I tell you, I love it here, Brian. The sounds. The colors. You know this is where the Beatles came to ruin their music.

People in love can overcome anything.

Brian

Brian: You know, Padma, I love Indian food, but I have to say my least favorite Curry is Ann. [laughs] She's a newscaster here. I wish I could have slipped that in earlier.
Padma: Oh, no, I know her. She's internationally despised.

Lois (answers door): Huh, there's no one there. Must've been some kids knocking.
Joe: Down here, Lois.
Lois: Oh. For God's sake, Joe. Can't you put a "tall" flag on the back of your chair or something?
Joe: I apologize for the difficulty my paralysis causes you.

Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Lois: Who threw out my sequined top?
Stewie: You're 43, accept it!