Family Guy

Family Guy Quotes

Season 11 Episode 21: "Road to Vegas; No Country for Old Men"

Carter: God, it's good to be old and nude.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: I want Hershey kiss nipples, and I want you to pay for them!
 • Rating: Unrated

Barrington: Pewterschimdt, you imbecile! You think that's funny, wasting fruit? There are people dying in hilarious places!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: (while Peter plays harmonica music) I accidentally backed over a kid in the grocery store parking lot. Peter, I'm serious. I ran right over the soft part of the face. I had to run away. I ditched the car and snuck on a passing train. I was so scared, I didn't get off until I was in the south. What'd you do today?
Peter: I pushed a boy behind your car so I could do all this harmonica stuff.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Oh my god. It was in the tub, and now it's in my butt!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: How does it feel to be the least-cultured person at a bus station?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Well, looks like Archibald Meatpants is gonna have a fun night.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: Look, it's not like we've got a lot to live for. I'm just going to end up like Chris, only I'll be smart enough to realize how miserable I am.
 • Rating: Unrated

Apollo: I was booked for three hours by "Archibald Meatpants."
Brian: He's...he's dead.
Apollo: Well, either way, I'm getting paid and somebody's getting torn open.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: The porn is free but we have to watch it in the lobby.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: It says here there's a continental breakfast. Oh...the continent is Africa.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Thank God we're finally here. Kind of weird that they showed Flight 93 on Flight 93.
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie: I haven't had this much fun since I hosted the Oscars! (cutaway scene starts)
Stewie: Good evening. I just want to say that I have the utmost respect for women everywhere. And also the Jews. Good night.
(Newspaper spins in: "Best Oscars Ever!")
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stewie: You see that, Brian? That's going to be our penises later, right?
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Oh my god, Stewie, it worked! We're in Vegas!
Stewie: Yeah, alright! Let's go to the hospital, get checked for teleportation cancer, and then party!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: The only thing I ever won was an extra day of summer. (cutaway scene starts)
Lois: Okay, Peter, one more day.
Peter: Yay! (runs outside in swim trunks, then back inside) I saw what I look like in a car window, and now I don't wanna go.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Hey, check it out, there's an air show!
Lois: Oh my god, they're gonna crash!
Peter: Oh no don't worry, it's a gay air show. They're just gonna lightly touch tips.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: Wow, a parade! It's like I'm walking past stuff, but I'm not going anywhere!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 11 Episode 20: "Farmer Guy"

Peter: The proudest day of a man's life is when his dog goes off to college.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: And Meg, you yourself said lip gloss unicorns Channing Tatum something something bullcrap.
Meg: You were listening the whole time?
 • Rating: Unrated

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