Sundays 9:00 PM on FOX
Family-guy

Peter: What the hell did you do?
Brian: Me? Who the hell buys a novelty fire extinguisher?
Peter: I'll tell you who. Someone who cares enough about physical comedy to put his whole family at risk

Lois: Brian, you're not wearing the sweater I made you.
Brian: Well, y'know, it's a little warm in here...
Lois: "Don we now our gay apparel."
Brian: It doesn't get much gayer than this

Brian: You're really going to take back donated presents on Christmas Eve?
Peter: Yep, now here's the plan: You'll enter through the air conditioning duct here. Now there'll be an invisible laser grid three inches from the floor, so you'll have to compress your body to the size of an ordinary household sponge and slide underneath like some kind of weird amphibious dolphin.
Brian: Can I buy some pot from you?

Peter: Can't we tell them your mother died?
Lois: Peter, I'm not gonna lie about something like that!
Peter: Fine, I'll kill your mother. When did Christmas have to get so complicated?

That's about as funny as Sinbad. Not the comedian, he's hilarious, the sailor. Then again, he was never meant to be funny

Peter

Hick Child: Dang it, Buck. It's my turn to use the sex box!
Buck: It's my sex box! And her name is "Sony"

Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight, I get anal. You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house, you have to clean it

Peter

You don't have to quit the force. I mean, you could get a desk job. Eh? You could be a desk

Peter

Peter: What kind of talk is that? It's un-American! Did George W. Bush quit even after losing the popular vote? No! Did he quit after losing millions of his father's friend's money in failed oil companies? No! Did he quit after knocking that girl up? No! Did he quit after he got that DUI? No! Did he quit after gettin' arrested for drunk and disorderly conduct at a football game? No! Did he quit-
Joe: I get the message, Peter!

Displaying quotes 46 - 54 of 176 in total