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Homer: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created a replacement for her that's superior to her in almost every way!
Lisa: Dad, that's just a plant.
Homer: Lisa! You will respect your new mother! Now, give her a kiss. Kiss her! (he knocks the plant out of the treehouse) Aah! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god! All right, let's get our stories straight she tripped, right?
- Permalink: Good news, Lisa! I don't need your mother anymore. I've created ...
Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.Squeaky-Voiced Teen
- Permalink: Wait! I need closure on that anecdote.
Annex Manager: We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful marriage.
Homer: I'll do it! Anything to get me out of that house, away from all that nagging, and noise... uh, of a family of love. Tra-la-la-la!
- Permalink: We need someone to teach a course on how to build a successful m...
Homer: Okay, brain. If we don't think of something, Marge will leave us forever!
Homer's Brain: Eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding, eat the pudding...
Homer: Well, alright. But then we gotta get to work. (starts eating the pudding)
- Permalink: Okay, brain. If we don't think of something, Marge will leave us...
Marge everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this thing? (holds up the bible) -Technically we're not allowed to go to the bathroom.Reverend Lovejoy
- Permalink: Marge everything is a sin. Have you ever sat down and read this ...
Marge: Homer I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your class.
Homer: Marge I didn't tell em personal stuff.
Marge: Today at the Kwik-E-Mart everyone knew I dyed my hair blue.
Homer: Oh you mean about you?
- Permalink: Homer I really don't like you telling personal secrets in your c...
Bart: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I got an "F."
Homer: This is dated two weeks ago.
Bart: Oh, sorry. Here's a fresh one.
- Permalink: I missed you so much that I couldn't concentrate in school and I...
Lisa: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more Socratic method of interactive class participation?
Homer: Yes, Lisa. Daddy's a teacher.
- Permalink: Will you be lecturing from a standardized text or using the more...
Groundskeeper Willy: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orange eating class.
(cut to orange eating class)
Moleman: The eating of a good orange is a lot like a successful marriage.
Grampa: Just eat the damn orange!
- Permalink: If I wanted to see a man eat an orange, I'd have taken the orang...
Smithers: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? (Homer eats an orange) Simpson?!
Homer: Huh? Yeah, I was listening. Very funny.
Moe: Oh, you were not! You were just eating a damn orange.
Homer: Well, yes, yes, to the untrained eye, I'm eating an orange, not to the eye that has brains; I'm making a point about marriage! For you see, marriage is a lot like an orange. First, you have the skin...then the sweet, sweet innards... (devours it)
- Permalink: Mr. Simpson, are you listening? Simpson?! Huh? Yeah, I was li...
If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I can teach a class!Homer
- Permalink: If he can teach a class, then he can teach a class! I mean, I ca...
Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!!!
Marge: Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again!!
Homer (sheepishly): Yes ma'am.
- Permalink: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out ther...