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Parks-and-recreation

Andy, if you have a secret, you have to tell me. That’s the whole point of marriage! You get twice the secrets!

April

Tom: You’re like a crazy volcano. You’ll have to bring it down a notch.
Craig: I’ll bring it down a dozen notches if I have to!

I’ll have a glass of your most expensive red wine mixed with a glass of your cheapest white wine served in a dog bowl. Silly straws all around, please.

April

It’s your me. It’s wife.

Leslie

I think we can agree that all wine tastes the same and if you spend any more than 5 dollars on wine, you are very stupid!

April

This comes from your mother’s butt.

April

Ben: I really like you, but you are a terrible person to talk to about personal stuff.
Ron: Thank you, that means a lot to me.

I need the good stuff. The “Mariah needs to sing tonight” stuff.

Leslie

Andy: If you do collapse, I know first aid, er karate.
Leslie: That’s not first aid.
Andy: It is if you do it right! Heimlich!

I don’t drink alcohol from that portion of the color system.

Ron

My name is Craig Middlebrooks and this is my debit rewards card!

Craig

Principal: How old are you?
April: He’s 33 and I’m 47/Immortal.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1356 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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