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Parks-and-recreation

Despite what my pocket square says, I’m not a billionaire.

Tom

Tom: What is this, a rotten grapefruit?
Larry: No, it’s my dog’s rectum.

Please, Ron. I’ve never asked you for anything today.

Tom

This is the hardest I’ve ever worked on anything since…wow—I’ve never worked hard on anything! What a cool life!

Tom

Donna: Your family has made you a more patient and empathetic person.
Ron: You take that back!

I’ll wear that red thing when you deserve to see me in that red thing.

Donna

Ben: Why would you erase the signatures?
Townsperson: I’m more of a Jack Johnson guy.

Why don’t you take a whale sounds break?

Ben

Earlier, I was licking icing off of my finger and boom, I swallowed my wedding ring.

Larry
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