I change my locks every 16 days. That key's been useless since the 2nd Tuesday I gave it to you.

Ron

Ben: Now one's ever asked me how my kids are or who's taking care of them. By the way who's taking care of them?
Leslie: My -- my mom, everythings fine.

I love how independent my wife is, and for that reason, I will not let her speak! That came out wrong.

Ben

Gerry: Gale might even call me the "b" word. Bozo.
Donna: Wow, we are very different people.

Andy: Ohh babe you had a crush on me, that's emabrassing!
April: We're married.
Andy: Still!

It's an impossible puzzle, and I love puzzles!

Ron

She's an exceptional human being, who married a well-intentioned goof ball.

Ben

Leslie: You wanted to run something by me?
April: Yes. So well you help me?
Leslie: you don't need me! You can get whatever job you want!

I just want to say thank you, and I love you very much. Which is why I decided not to turn you into a sea urchin, which I can do, because I'm an actual witch, with powers, and I'm evil, and -

April

I just fell backwards into your world, a couple years went by, and now here I am.

April

She'll take it! Lets talk perks. Does she get the summer off like school?!

Andy

John McCain: Has anyone ever told you your tenacity can be a bit intimidating.
Leslie: Yes, every day of my life since the 4th grade.

Parks & Rec Quotes

I hit rock bottom that night. I mean I literally fell to the bottom of a pit and hit a rock. I remember laying there thinking, there's probably a good reason why I'm down here. And then I remember thinking I need morphine.

Mark

You know why tonight is so much fun? Because everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing ... everyone is just who they are and who they are is just stone cold gay.

Leslie