I change my locks every 16 days. That key's been useless since the 2nd Tuesday I gave it to you.


Ben: Now one's ever asked me how my kids are or who's taking care of them. By the way who's taking care of them?
Leslie: My -- my mom, everythings fine.

I love how independent my wife is, and for that reason, I will not let her speak! That came out wrong.


Gerry: Gale might even call me the "b" word. Bozo.
Donna: Wow, we are very different people.

Andy: Ohh babe you had a crush on me, that's emabrassing!
April: We're married.
Andy: Still!

It's an impossible puzzle, and I love puzzles!


She's an exceptional human being, who married a well-intentioned goof ball.


Leslie: You wanted to run something by me?
April: Yes. So well you help me?
Leslie: you don't need me! You can get whatever job you want!

I just want to say thank you, and I love you very much. Which is why I decided not to turn you into a sea urchin, which I can do, because I'm an actual witch, with powers, and I'm evil, and -


I just fell backwards into your world, a couple years went by, and now here I am.


She'll take it! Lets talk perks. Does she get the summer off like school?!


John McCain: Has anyone ever told you your tenacity can be a bit intimidating.
Leslie: Yes, every day of my life since the 4th grade.

Parks & Rec Quotes

Sometimes when you make an omelet you've gotta break a few eggs. What's the alternative? No omelets at all? Who wants to live in that kind of world? Maybe birds. Then all their babies would live.


Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!