Hey hey hey hey, spiders got to die, so trees can grow.

Robin: Of all the women in New York, you had to go out with an eight year old girl.
Ted: Not what it sounds like, folks.

Barney: And stop shouting, you're scaring Cottontail.
Ted: You named the rabbit?
Barney: You took longer to get here than I thought, we bonded and I'm keeping her.

Barney: And for the love of god, boobs?
Ted: Solid C Cup perky bounce
Barney: Momentary grudging respect.

Ted: What's your newest scotch?
Wendy: Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch? Don't let it touch your skin.

Barney says he tripped but I could have sworn he tackled me on purpose.

If you can't spot the crazy person on the bus, it's you.

All that stupid crap they tell you about how fulfilling teaching is, it's all true.

Kids, your Uncle Barney grew up without a dad, and it always made him feel incomplete, but as he hugged Loretta surrounded by the boxed up remnants of his happy childhood, he realized he had one hell of a mom.

Ted's voice over

Ted: If Sam only knew Loretta for a few months he couldn't possibly be Barney's father.
Robin: He's also quite the detective.

Robin: What, you know what you're doing down there.
Ted: Oh Teddy West Side can bring it, we know this.

The comfort of home is pretty much ruined when someone turns your-old room into what I'm pretty sure is a tantric sex temple. All the bamboo, pot smoke and 60's music, it's like my old G.I. Joes are frozen in some weird Vietnam flashback.

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted