This is why you're so great, dad. You don't pretend to be someone you're not. You don't care what anyone thinks.

I thought you were this wordly, sophisticated guy, but you're just a fraud. Like Moses.

Neil: Is this a nut free counter?
Chris: Uh I don't know, my dad's might have been on there at some point.

Chris: It's made of skittles! You want to eat the baby together on the way home?
Lois: Yeah, I'd like that.

Chris: What should I do dad??
Peter: I don't know -- where's that girlfriend of yours, she seems cool?

AHHHHH, my morning scream. AHHHHH! Heather's gone!

Chris: Hey Heather I made your favorite cookies, now I want to hear about your day.
Peter: Hey Lois I heard Katherine Heigl likes to french kiss.
Lois: Oh my god, Chris treats that pile of junk better than Peter treats me!

Chris: Mom, is dad gonna die?
Lois: Well Brian's the one with the brain tumor.

Stewie: Here. I'll quiz you. Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"?
Chris: Scooby Doo
Stewie: No
Chris: Shaggy
Stewie: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo

No, but why are you saying the dogs name before dads.

I'm gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.

I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.

Family Guy Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

[disappointedly] You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes ya feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah. You're right. I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you, but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me. I'm not changin'. I like me. My kids like me. My friends like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get.

Peter