Desperate Housewives Season 3 Episode 11: "No Fits, No Fights, No Feuds" Quotes
Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.
Mike: I can't believe that I just listened to all that stuff Edie told me about you. It turns out you're the only one standing by me. You're a good friend, Susan.
Susan: Ahm, yeah, about that. It's Ian. He's not crazy about me spending time with my ex.
Mike: Even an ex who doesn't remember dating you?
Susan: I remember, and I guess that's enough for him. I'm sorry.
Mike: Well, I can't say that I blame him.
Susan: (reaching out her hand to him) Take care of yourself Mke.
Mike: You too, Susan.
Susan: I'm out of lipstick. Can I borrow yours?
Julie: Sure. (hands her her lipstick)
Susan: Cherry berry?
Julie: Austin likes the way it tastes.
Susan: Oh, I so did not need to know that.
Tom: She threw your doll in the trash?
Lynette: No, first she ripped off its arms, stuffed it with chili, then she threw it in the trash!
(Carlos calls while Gabrielle picnics on the lawn with Bill)
Carlos: Hey, hey, who's the dork?
Gabrielle: Carlos?
Carlos: What's with that cap? Extra! Extra! Read all about it!
Gabrielle: Where the hell are you?
(She looks around her and sees Carlos on Mike's frontporch, watching them as he drinks a beer. He waves at her)
Gabrielle: What are you doing at Mike's house?
Carlos: I live here.
Gabrielle: What do you mean you live there? Since when?
Carlos: Gabby, my car's been in the driveway for three weeks. Even you can't be that self-absorbed.
Gabrielle: Well, as you can see, I have more pleasant things to focus on.
Carlos: So when you gonna tell Jimmy Olsen there that you hate picnics?
Gabrielle: I'm gonna hang up now.
Leave me alone! You're not my mommy!
Kayla
Danielle: You hold on to your virginity. If Austin won't wait then he doesn't deserve you.
Julie: I just don't want to lose him.
Danielle: It's better than losing your self respect. Take it from a girl who's known at school as 'Little Miss Van De Tramp'.
Julie: I thought you made that up?
Danielle: Only because it was nicer than the other names they were calling me.
Carlos: Why would I send you flowers?
Gabrielle: To sabotage my new relationship! (nods to Bill)
Carlos: Oh, picnic boy? What do I care if you go out with him?
(to Gabrielle) Gabby if I was gonna send you flowers I wouldn't send pink roses, I'd send you white orchids, because I know they're your favorite, and if I wanted to cheer you up sunflowers, and for the flu, blue irises.
Carlos
Bree: Now that we're all assembled I'd like to introduce the guest of honor. I hope you'll all be as delighted to meet her as I was. You can come in now.
(Alma enters.)
Bree: Everyone, this is Alma Hodge, Orson's first wife.
(The ladies stare at Bree, then at Alma.)
Bree: (to Susan) Oh, about that apology, anytime you're ready.
(to Gabrielle) What's to explain? A pretty girl gets flowers do you know many girls never get flowers. I work in a flower shop, I've never got any freaking flowers, so stop your whining about who sent them and just be glad he did.
Florist
Edie: I think Wisteria Lane is the place for you.
Alma: Good. More than anything I just wanna fit in.
Mary Alice: (narrating) Oh you will, Alma. You absolutely will.
