Kenneth: How was substitute teaching sir?
Pete: Just like Lean On Me, in that a guy who looks like Morgan Freeman swung a bat at me.

Last time I taught I was like Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, by which I mean I got fired.

We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.

We need a button that switches from pornography to basketball immediately. What you have isn't fast enough.

You have to talk to Jack. I can't lose my dental. There's a hygienist their whose boob sometimes touches my ear.

You got sauce on me. Ya know, neighbors who wear my exact size don't die every day!

I'm guessing already married cat strangler.

Tiana, Mulan, Pocahantas, Jasmine — wow, she's right!

It's way too early for this. I haven't even had my first cup of wine yet.

Displaying quotes 10 - 18 of 46 in total