Alice: Why did you put it there? What if I ignored it?
Santa: But you didn’t. You needed something to get back in the game. You weren’t gonna pass on a mystery you thought your guy was working on. I’m very sorry for your loss.
Alice: It really sucks.
Santa: Well, now you know. That page and wherever that quest took you it wasn’t his story; it was yours Alice. For what it’s worth, I think he’d been really proud of you, the way you keep on fighting. I told you. I told you were good.
Alice: I still don’t know if that’s true.
Santa: Hey, this is how it works: You do your best, you fuck up, you get hurt, people die. Except for the odd microplane, jack shit gets wrapped up in a bow.
Alice: You know you’re a real ray of sunshine Santa.
Santa: Ho ho ho.

Fen: Way easier to get in than out.
Zelda: Like so many things in life.

Eliot: She’s not coming back.
Josh: You don’t know that.

Lipson: I’m not doing this, OK. This is banned in 14 countries. The cat will hold all his crazy, but only while he’s touching it.
Plum: What happens to the cat?
Lipson: It goes, well, crazy. Don’t tell PETA.

Plum: Professor, we have to tell her. She’s trapped here and – insane to think about it – pregnant with my mother.
Jane: Yes. Tell me what my dears?
Penny: We are going to destroy Fillory with you on it. It is the only way to stop your brother.
Jane: The best we can do is to try to stop our legacy from hurting anybody else. You’re doing the right thing both of you. But I won’t be gone. I’ll still be here in the clock barrens. Without Fillory, it’ll be a little bit harder to find me.

Alice: It’s ready Fen.
Fen: Do I just?
Alice: Talk to it. Your memories.
Fen: Uh, I remember the Silver Banks and Chatwins’ Torrent and, uh, the Shankly Boar – uh, that was weird. I, uh, there’s Robin Bay, and…
Josh: Nothing’s happening.
Margo: Fuck Fen.
Alice: You can’t just describe it. You need to give it your memories.
Fen: Oh OK, my Fillory. I remember the first time I saw a Pegasus. I was 10. Only in Fillory. I remember the first time I saw my dad use magic to make a knife, and then he wouldn’t show me because I’m a girl. I remember my dad gave me away to a stranger, and that’s when I realized Fillory kinda sucks sometimes.
Josh: What are you doing?
Fen: I’m taking about my Fillory. That place could be, uh, backwards as shit, and I’m thinking I don’t want to replicate that.
Josh: We kinda need a wellspring, so…
Fen: Right. Can I just have the best of Fillory, the best of us, of earth, plus the best of those cool movies Todd and I watched. That’s the home I want. That’s what we deserve.

Lipson: Here she is baby Eleanor.
Julia: I don’t remember naming her Eleanor.
Penny: That’s ‘cuz we didn’t.
Lipson: People name their kid after their doctor all the time. It’s a thing that happens.
Penny: Sure.

Penny: I know I told you you shouldn’t do it, but I will protect you, OK, somehow. I know a way to get to Jane Chatwin. She’ll help us, and you can go back to before.
Plum: Listen…
Penny: You can go back and stop Julia from dying, please.
Plum: We can’t.
Penny: Why the fuck not?
Plum: Because we already did.

Fen: This definitely isn’t Fillory.
Alice: But it’s not not Fillory. It kinda smells the same way.
Margo: The opium made it. That’s a plus.
Josh: I passed a field of bacon – crispy. Is that a Fillory thing?
Alice: More of a me thing.
Josh: Well, the arm is breathable, food galore, no predators in the vicinity. Is it time? No?
Alice: If we let them out we have to tell them we’re utterly lost, no idea where are, and not a bunny in sight to get a message to our friends.
Fen: And they’ll be homesick and scared and cranky and hungry.
Margo: We’ll have to build infrastructure from scratch.
Fen: So, who wants to do the honors?
Margo: You carried the whole world in your cooch. You earned it.
Fen: Thanks for saying that, but new Fillory needs a leader, and as its literal birth mother I feel I get to say I hereby dub thee, High King Margo the Creator.
Josh: Whoo.
Margo: Fine, make a meal out of it. You guys know our lives about to get even weirder in some insane way we can’t possibly predict.
All: Yes.
Josh: I find that somehow perversely comforting.
Alice: So do I, and that’s how I know it’s our story.

Eliot: Charlton, you look like you.
Charlton: I also feel like me. If you touch me but also inside. It’s nice.
Eliot: Well this is weird.
Charlton: Good weird. I have an awkward question. I often ask myself what you’d say and the answer is, ‘Of course not. Don’t be stupid, Charlton. Eliot isn’t the kind of guy…
Eliot: Charlton, ask.
Charlton: I wonder whether you could ever be romantically inclined toward someone like me.
Eliot: Uh, a thousand-year-old Fillorian in a pervert ghost’s body wearing a transfiguration amulet?
Charlton: A man who knows you well, is emotionally available, and plans to stick around.
Eliot: Well shit, Charlton.
Charlton: Are we going somewhere?
Eliot: Upstairs, to explore this further.
Charlton: Fuck.

Santa: Oh hey, Alice.
Alice: Did I sleep until December?
Santa: I couldn’t resist giving out a few more gifts while I’m here. Given your quest-heavy lifestyle, there’s no guarantee any of you will live to see Christmas. Sit, have a cookie.

Zelda: This room is warded but not for long. That way a portal will take you to Brakeblls. Go. Alice, when you recover the seed…
Alice: I only have one good hand we need you. I can’t…
Zelda: There’s something master magicians know: You can never fully control external circumstances -- they may even be actively hostile -- but you can control the ones inside you. And one hand is plenty. I’ve always known you’ll get there.
Alice: But today?
Zelda: Try, OK. Just try. Go now, hurry.
Alice: Come with us.
Zelda: I can’t. I’m going to have to initiate permafrost. It’ll stop the dead from using the fountains to get to other worlds. Once I initiate, every portal will close within minutes.
Alice: We can’t just leave you here.
Zelda: For a Librarian, death isn’t the end. It is merely a transfer to another branch. Go.
Alice: Wait Zelda. Thank you, for everything.

The Magicians Quotes

Alice: You should be happy. Less competition.
Margo: I like competition.

Hakuna Matata has failed me.