Sorry, Officer. Our friend's cat was sick and exploded. You know, like they do.


Quentin: Alice?
Alice: Shit.
Quentin: Hey, how did you -- what are you doing here?
Alice: Same as you, I guess. Following all this crazy magic, hoping it leads to Mayakovsky's batteries.
Quentin: By yourself? It took four of us to -- Well, you are Alice Quinn.

Eliot: She is a spy for the Faerie Queen. It's probably better if she's not our daughter.
Fen: All my life I've wanted a family of my own and I know this isn't ideal. We've missed so much with her, but it's not her fault. She needs the one thing in life she's never had.
Eliot: Manners.
Fen: Love.

Eliot: Ugh, god. What a cliche.
Margo: The baby that becomes a teenager practically overnight?
Eliot: Right? Angel.
Margo: Twilight.
Eliot: Buffy.
Margo: Technically, Buffy’s sister was never a baby. She just appeared out of nowhere. And oh my god. Two months without dick and I sound like Quentin.
Eliot: The point is, only a creature from the land TV for God would think anyone would fall for how shockingly original this is.

Emily: We met someone at a bar. Someone he owed something to.
Quentin: Maybe a battery?
Emily: I don’t know, honestly. It was a woman. Yeah, I really had to pee so I hit the ladies and I heard all this screaming. Next thing, he is hulking out of his clothes and he’s getting all hairy. He’s now full bear and he’s just tearing the place apart.
Quentin: But so you think it was that woman?
Emily: If it was and you find her, could you rip her fucking face off? Cause now I’m married to a zoo animal.

So we’re out of dough. Moola. Chedda. Money, people. Magic’s gone. We can’t even control the gold-shitting beetles anymore now that they’ve declared themselves free and disappeared. We’re about to be a third-world country on a planet with two-and-a-half countries.


I’m sorry. I just really loved doing magic. And I was good at it. Should have tasted my tomatoes. Just the air smelled different, right? And I could turn into a bird or make a rose bloom. And I saw actual Fillory. And I banged a werewolf! Yes, that is weird, but also rad because who gets to do that. And I wasn’t just some extremely average nobody. I was gifted. I didn’t just belong somewhere, I belonged anywhere because I was a magician.


Julia: Say you were to do it. Work your way through some pidley little Earth gods, find a way to talk to an actual old god--you’d say what? Hi! Please reconsider even though you are billion times smarter than I and more powerful. If you could please bring back magic, that would be great.
Quentin: I don’t know. I just figured it wouldn’t hurt to get a little closer and maybe meet someone who knew more than we do.
Julia: I hear you, Q, I do, I just--
Quentin: What?
Julia: I wouldn’t want what happened to me to happen to anyone else.

Irene: They believe that there’s got to be something out there. Somewhere. Mayakovsky, he was working on a battery--
Henry: We searched Brakebills South.
Irene: Still they feel the resources of this school would be best spent continuing to search for--
Henry: I cannot stop my students from searching, but we are a school, we still teach here. It is perhaps more important than ever. If they don’t learn it, I fear no one will ever again. Do you understand?
Irene: I fear that, too, but if you don’t find them something, the board is gonna close down Brakebills. You have to give them something, Henry. Quickly.

Julia: For the record, I’m still leaning towards fluke.
Quentin: So it’s a fluke. There’s still something that could lead us to something. We have got to keep chipping away at it, Jules.
Julia: Big words coming from the guy who was mostly chain smoking and binge watching Six Feet Under when he got here.
Quentin: You fired me up. You showed me that there’s a fight to fight. Now I’m the official sidekick to whatever it turns out you are, so get used to it.

Julia: What if this is like a smudge--like a fingerprint--left by OLU when she gave me back my shade, and she didn’t even realize? It’s like, oops, speck of magic!
Quentin: She’s a goddess. Does she seem like the accident type?
Julia: Have you met her son?

Alice: Why did you bring me back?
Quentin: Why do you keep asking me that? I watched you almost die trying to bring your brother back. You loved him. I love you.

The Magicians Quotes

Sorry, Officer. Our friend's cat was sick and exploded. You know, like they do.


Dean: Snuck a box of Oreos.
Quentin: Magicians can't eat Oreos?
Dean: Diabetics can't eat Oreos.