Jim: Steve, you have to stay and jerk your brother off.
Steve: Whoa, no way, man. I dressed him up in his date clothes.

They have lives and they hope for things. I never even knew.

Jim

Jim: You were talking to her forever.
Billy: I know.
Jim: What were you even talking about.
Billy: I don't know.

Renee: Were you just doing something dirty?
Billy: No!
Jim: Yes.

I can't move?

Billy

Steve: She's a hooker. Rodney?
Jim: No.
Rodney: Yes.
Jim: Yes!

Yes, but now you're getting into my gum retirement, so no Ramona.

Jim

I've gone further than anyone with my looks and intellect should have ever gone, and I'm miserable because of bloody dreams!

Jim

Look, if everyone in this world who had a crazy mother killed themselves then there'd be very few people walking this Earth.

Jim

I'm gonna get so much pussy.

Jim

I'm a good guy. This is gonna work out great for me. Billy's gonna be the best wingman ever. Girls are gonna be like, "oh you brought your friend in the wheelchair, did you?" and I go, "oh, he's more than a friend. He's my best friend." Oh, we're gonna get special treatment wherever we go. Parking's gonna be amazing. The toilets are gonna be great. We'll be at a ballgame and people will just get out of the way, "Here they come, the cripple and his friend, the good guy!"

Jim

Jim: Is that a look of pleasure.
Steve: No, that is not a look of pleasure.
Billy: I have 13 strangers staring at me, and I don't possess the ability to put away my own cock. How would you feel?

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 30 in total

Legit Quotes

Alien. I'm an alien of extraordinary abilities, Steve. I'm like ET.

Jim

Jim: I think I'd like to have kids.
Steve: You think you'd be a good father?
Jim: I think I'd be a great father.
Steve: What about a husband?
Jim: Yeah, there's a problem.

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