Teddy: One member owns a remote control car company and he donated a few cars from his private reserve. They go just a little too fast.
Louise: How fast?
Teddy: Ram it into your foot at full speed, you're losing a toenail.
Louise: Holy crap, I want that.

Bob: So you're the Yacht Club Santa?
Teddy: Yeah, I was doing some work at the club and they asked me. The guy they were gonna use got in shape this year to quote-unquote stay alive longer! His loss, my gain, right guys?

Trev: He's definitely gonna have to make you a member now.
Jimmy: Hey, I am a member, practically.
Trev: Top of the waitlist! Up top!
Jimmy: Nah.
Trevor: Down low?
Jimmy: No.
Trev: But...Christmas.

Trev: Look, it's Bob.
Bob: Hey, Trev.
Trev: Ha, whatever, Bob.
Bob: Hm, Jimmy's not around, do you have to talk like that?
Trev: Uh, yeah! I have social anxiety, Bob!

Louise: He's supposed to be trying to teach us how to fight, but all we're doing is hitting beef chunks.
Teddy: Is beef chunks what you're calling Gene now?

Bob: Anyway, I was just saying, I think it's important for your mom to get to do her own stuff. She's not just a mom, she's a person.
Gene: If she's not just a mom, then why is her name "mom?"
Bob: Well, she's also Linda.
Gene: Sounds weird, but I believe you.

I know all sequels are good, but this is amazing.

Louise

Teddy: Just do yourself a favor, watch it tonight. Love, loss, blood, revenge.
Louise: You had me at blood and revenge, Teddy.

Eat your heart out, Paul McCartney! We've got wings!

Gene

You know what they say, if you love something, let it go walking off in an airport.

Louise

Al: All I have is an extra battery for my hearing aid.
Bob: Crap.
Al: What?
Louise: He said crap!

Ooh, the south terminal. I bet they have sweet tea and lightning bugs.

Gene

Bob's Burgers Quotes

Two days until trick or treating. What am I supposed to eat until then? Other food?

Gene

Why is no one singing? Why is no one dancing? What's wrong with Hollywood?!

Gene