That girl is working harder than Stephen Hawking putting on a pair of cufflinks.

Earl

Caroline: I thought I was getting raped.
Max: That´s not what rape feels like.

Caroline: I may have enhanced my resume.
Max: Enhanced? What are we in? Paris?.

Max: Your name is Bryce? Bryce Lee?
Mr Lee: Yes, I heard that name in One Tree Hill... good show.

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.

Max

Hey, when you get a second, stop staring at my boobs.

Max

You know how I said the only two things she really cares about are her business and herself? There’s one other thing.

Silas

I was going for like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I'm gonna go milk my cows.

Jess

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.