He's not good or bad, he's a work in progress.


Page one, why the fuck are you fading in?


She's the kind of girl a guy meets when he's too young and he fucks up because there's too much looting left to do.


Let's do the one where Charlie is still your husband, but he's upstairs in a wheelchair.


I'm gonna beat the fuckin' Bi out of you once and for all woman!

Tyler's 2nd Mom

Becca: Sometimes I think you wish I stayed some asexual little goth muppet creature forever.
Hank: You say that like it's a bad thing.

You know what they say? Whatever doesn't kill us makes us even more annoying.


Hank: That's it? You're just gonna stand by your man?
Karen: That's what I do.

Stu: I know I'm not a handsome man, but I am a very successful man. I know what it's like to be hit on by pretty young things who want something from me.
Charlie: Must be nice, wish I did.

Richard: I gotta come clean Hank, she's been through too much. No offense.
Hank: Some taken.

Holly: I shook my money maker to an entire album form him, Guns N' Roses, "Appetite".
Hank: Great album.
Holly: The best! I lost my cherry to it, front and back.

Come on back to bed. Let's californicate.


Californication Season 5 Quotes

Welcome to the place where time stands still, where whiskey flows and always will. Your liver never pickles your heart never aches. You can fuck till your dick is cunt-ent.


Carrie: It's just, you fucked me in the ass Hank.
Hank: Oh, are we talking metaphorically? Because...
Carrie: No, I gave up the butt for you!