The Magicians Quotes
Martin: Hello big brother. Save me Rupert, I love you so. You’re still so predictable – your soft heart, your stubbornness, your stupidity.
Seb: What did you do to him?
Martin: Who, Lance? Never even met him. He must have moved on centuries ago. Spent some time in the library with my batty old writer friend Cassandra reading about the lengths you were going to to save him. You didn’t work nearly so hard to save me from Plover, did you?
Seb: Of course I did until I couldn’t. I had to save everyone from you. You chose the dark path.
Martin: Says the Dark King. Anyways, reading about you made me realize after everything you did to stop me you were going to give me everything I needed to have Fillory forever.
Alice: I know something that might help.
Kady: You cracked the code on moon circumstances?
Margo: Then what the hell is your plan.
Alice: My plan is I am going to accept exactly everything I am right now.
Margo: Instagram that nonsense later girl.
Alice: Every single good and shitty part, and especially the shit. I suggest we all do it. We have to acknowledge it in order to adjust for it in your casting. Internal circumstances is the one thing we can control. One hand is plenty. I’m ready.
Fen: Way easier to get in than out.
Zelda: Like so many things in life.
Eliot: Charlton, in Hyman-esque form.
Charlton: Here you are in your happy place but you don’t seem happy.
Eliot: I thought being here and teaching would help, but it hasn’t. I miss them. I feel lost and alone without them. Margo, all of them. I even miss Fillory. Do you think… there’s no way Seb survived.
Charlton: Probably not. Fillory’s gone but maybe it’s better now. Maybe now he’s somewhere with someone who loves him. You’re not alone, you now, Eliot. Oh gods, I am still not used to how strong alcohol is.
Eliot: Keep drinking. It’ll come.
Eliot: Charlton, you look like you.
Charlton: I also feel like me. If you touch me but also inside. It’s nice.
Eliot: Well this is weird.
Charlton: Good weird. I have an awkward question. I often ask myself what you’d say and the answer is, ‘Of course not. Don’t be stupid, Charlton. Eliot isn’t the kind of guy…
Eliot: Charlton, ask.
Charlton: I wonder whether you could ever be romantically inclined toward someone like me.
Eliot: Uh, a thousand-year-old Fillorian in a pervert ghost’s body wearing a transfiguration amulet?
Charlton: A man who knows you well, is emotionally available, and plans to stick around.
Eliot: Well shit, Charlton.
Charlton: Are we going somewhere?
Eliot: Upstairs, to explore this further.
Eliot: She’s not coming back.
Josh: You don’t know that.
Julia: Where should we start?
Penny: I guess at the top.
Julia: I’m sorry there’s always another quest. I know you wanted to just…
Penny: Make a home?
Penny: Yeah, and this is a bat shit way to do it, but it is a way. Plus, someone’s gotta find those idiots.
Julia: Shit’s never what we think it’s gonna be.
Josh: Sorry I was really stoned the last time I did this but time to discuss your shortcut. Margo?
Margo: Yeah there isn’t one. What do you want me to say? Somebody had to egg up and do this, and I am Margo the Destroyer.
Eliot: I didn’t name you that just so you…
Margo: Could get destroyed while destroying.
Margo: Yeah, I’m not wild about it either, but this thing’s gotta get done, so…
Eliot: We’ll all go.
Josh: Yes, we’ll all go.
Margo: Stop. If I learned one thing from Quentin – one – is sometimes you sacrifice for those you love. I’m doing this so you two can live, so don’t you dare follow me.
Santa: Oh hey, Alice.
Alice: Did I sleep until December?
Santa: I couldn’t resist giving out a few more gifts while I’m here. Given your quest-heavy lifestyle, there’s no guarantee any of you will live to see Christmas. Sit, have a cookie.
Seb: I survived the war, losing Lance, my family torn apart by a monster who said he would take care of my brother, and I thought one thing, I just want to use magic for one thing I want.
Eliot: You knew better.
Seb: I had to try. You couldn’t understand that.
Eliot: But I do understand. I always did.
Seb: Eliot what was the plan before I…
Eliot: My friends are here. They’re rapturing everyone so we can destroy this planet – that we love by the way, but we have to – to destroy you. You let us no choice Seb.
Seb: It could still work. I could cut up the door to the underworld to stop Martin from bringing anymore dead through. Don’t try to cast. You’ll hurt yourself.
Eliot: It’s not like the zombies are coming.
Seb: Go, find your friends. I can hold off the dead. It’s not like they can kill me.
Eliot: No, they can rip you to shreds, and then we kill you anyway.
Seb: Eliot, go.
Eliot: Do you not get that I don’t want you to die. You’re not evil, you’re just…just some deluded asshole that I care about.
Lipson: I’m not doing this, OK. This is banned in 14 countries. The cat will hold all his crazy, but only while he’s touching it.
Plum: What happens to the cat?
Lipson: It goes, well, crazy. Don’t tell PETA.
Eliot: Listen, I have a man in my head. He’s looking for a body and you have one that you don’t even really want.
Margo: Jesus, no way he goes for this. You’re an idiot Charlton.
Hyman: He wants to take this, and I would what, stay in astral forever?
Eliot: Well you could or you could…
Hyman: Empathically yes. Oh my god on one condition.
Hyman: Your head pal has to do weird things with my body. Sex things.
Hyman: What’s his name?
Hyman: No act too depraved Charlton. I’ll be watching whether you like it or not.
Eliot: What have we done?