I just started dating Chris, and I don't know how, but Andy is going to screw it up. Andy screws everything up. When we were dating, I bought him a fish, and I don't want to get into it, but somehow, that fish ended up dead in a cowboy boot.


Ben: What's going on?
Leslie: Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight in the time capsule.
Ben: Damn it. Again?

So, enjoy watching it. Assuming you still have electricity. And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. A man named Jerry Gergich screwed up the recording somehow. He had one job to do.


That's ridiculous. Why should the Bill of Rights be in the official time capsule, but this painting of my dog is in time capsule seven?


Leslie: For the last time. And I won't say this again. There will be no human or feline ashes in either one of the time capsules.
Man: Except for Turnip. Except for Turnip...
Leslie: No chanting.

I just don't get why you broke up with me. Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough, like the normal kids compared to the vampires? Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation? Where you like me but there's someone else you like more?


Leslie: Please remember, this is a government project. So, we need to refrain from corporate promotion and religious items. Who'd like to start?
Man: I think we should put in the Bible.
Leslie: Great.

Leslie: I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule.
Ron: Leslie, no. We don't negotiate with weirdos.

Am I team Edward? Yes. Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? Absolutely not.


Shauna: How's this for a headline? Parks department foiled by pipe dreams.
Leslie: God, that's an amazing headline. But please don't write that story.

Ron: So, you love April and she has a new boyfriend, right?
Andy: You got all of that from a picture?
Chris: No, you told me yesterday.

Dude, that is the coolest sentence I have ever heard somebody talk.


Parks and Recreation Season 3 Episode 3 Quotes

Hey, Leslie. I have an idea. Why don't we put Eduardo in there and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies.


Hmm, a disappointingly good idea from Jerry.