Hey, don't try to take this away from me. This is the only thing I've ever been good at. Well, this and timing my farts to a thunderstorm.

Peter

Joe: You and the gang? I'm the one who brought you here.
Peter: Yeah, well, you know something? The Mayflower also brought fungus which then became the potato famine.
Joe: What the hell are you talking about?
Peter: I don't know. I had like about four Ensures. I'm outta my mind.

Stewie: A peck on the cheek? Was that worth an $8000 coach ticket?
Brian: You know what? It's about the journey, not the destination.
Stewie: No, it's not. This sucked, and you failed.

Stewie: Oh, Padma, I meant to ask you, are there, like, Bengal tigers running loose in the cities?
Padma: I don't know. In America, are there annoying, talking babies always interrupting?

Joe, gag on my fat dauber.

Peter

Stewie:[about India]: Ah, I tell you, I love it here, Brian. The sounds. The colors. You know this is where the Beatles came to ruin their music.

People in love can overcome anything.

Brian

Brian: You know, Padma, I love Indian food, but I have to say my least favorite Curry is Ann. [laughs] She's a newscaster here. I wish I could have slipped that in earlier.
Padma: Oh, no, I know her. She's internationally despised.

Lois (answers door): Huh, there's no one there. Must've been some kids knocking.
Joe: Down here, Lois.
Lois: Oh. For God's sake, Joe. Can't you put a "tall" flag on the back of your chair or something?
Joe: I apologize for the difficulty my paralysis causes you.

Amazing. One second of a stranger's voice on a phone, and you've got full Bollywood.

Stewie

Stewie: Oh my God. They just elected him out of pity, because they think he's mentally challenged.
Brian: Kind of like we did with George W. Bush, huh? Right?
Stewie: [loud sigh] I guess. I guess, Brian. I don't...I don't know. Let's just watch some commercials now.

They have security guards in the bathroom. We live in such a culture of fear now.

Brian

Family Guy Season 14 Quotes

Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.

Stewie

Ugggh! This tastes like Ani DiFranco after a bike ride!

Quagmire (referencing an awful Korean Taco)