Gibbs: Any problems?
Torres: None, except Bishop almost blowing up our cover, we’re pretty good.
Bishop: Excuse me?
Torres: You shouldn’t have slapped his hand away.
Bishop: I don’t give out free samples! I’ve got three kids to feed and a sick Nana in Boca. [Torres stares at her.] What? You told me to have a backstory. That’s my backstory.
Torres: That’s actually… that’s actually pretty good.
Bishop: Thank you.
McGee: What’s wrong with Nana?
Bishop: Shingles!
Gibbs: Condolences.

She looks more “band camp” than “bad-ass.”

Bishop [regarding a suspect]

Bishop: This place is not so sexy.
McGee: I don’t know, the roaches downstairs don’t seem to care.

Bishop: I see you, McGee. Everything okay?
McGee: No. No, it’s not, because *you* decided to take over a Metro case on December 22! That is, let’s see, one, two, *three* days before Christmas!
Bishop: I had plans, too.
McGee: With twin newborn cherubs?!

We’re all as sick as our secrets, Clay, and we all need someone to talk to. Even you.

Bishop [on a missing detective seen meeting a woman]: Is that… a booty call?!
Torres: Y’know, I could almost forgive that…

Bishop [about Ducky and Jimmy]: To think they actually enjoy this!
Gibbs: Ha! Face it -- we *all* enjoy this.

Bishop: Y’know, I don’t remember Gibbs having to deal with quite so much paperwork!
Reeves: That’s because he used it for kindling.
Bishop: Ha.
Reeves: No, really. The first steak he ever grilled for me was roasted over our fitness evals!

Bishop: Courtesy of Facebook, we learned that Dean once sailed across the Pacific. Alone.
McGee: Before that, he summited Mt. Kilimanjaro, also alone.
Torres: A man after my own hear. Except for the mountain climbing and sailing. And, uh, Meat Loaf.
Bishop: Hey, I like Meat Loaf.
Gibbs: Why are we talking about Meat Loaf? We got a theory or not?!

McGee: There’s an entire American sub-culture devoted to bone collecting.
Bishop: How do you know that?
Gibbs: He dated Abby!

So this is what it’ll be like when Abby gets a wax figure at Madame Tussauds!

Ex-girlfriend: I put a GPS tracker on his car. I thought he was cheating on me!
Gibbs: Hey, nobody’s judging you.
Bishop: I am. Well done!

NCIS Quotes

You know what Tony is spelled backwards? Y not? Think about it


McGee: You and Zoe broke up?
Tony: You heard.
McGee: Why didn't you tell me?
Tony: Well the break-up bug's going around. Didn't want you to catch it.