The Real Housewives of New Jersey Review: Poop On Her Face

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As The Real Housewives of New Jersey Season 6 Episode 5 came to a close, it was clear that Amber not only had poop on her face but she was married to one of the most hated Housewives Husband in history.

We recap who has an IQ over 12 in our +/- review...

It didn't take long. Only five episodes for Amber Marchese's husband to become the most hated Housewives' mate in the history of the show. Plus 27 because that must be some kind of a record. 

It was bad enough when Jim cursed out Joe Gorga who seemed to be just sitting next to his brother-in-law, and then ran from the house, but then he started in on the ladies. He attempted to explain why being anywhere near Joe Guidice was a bad idea… "What we do is we've been prosecuting mortgage fraud. I want you to think about that for a minute." 

Considering all anyone knows about Jim is that he's a two-bit mortgage broker who makes cheesy commercials, it's no wonder the ladies looked at him confused. But when the condescending little weasel said, "Jesus Christ, does anyone in here have an IQ over 12?" to their faces, I wondered if he would have said that if the men were standing in front of him. Minus 45.

You'd think the little man who admits he'd never been in a fight would watch his mouth because even the women in this room could kick his ass. 

And let's face it, if Jim was that concerned about being seen with the Guidices perhaps he shouldn't have signed up to be on the show on which they are the stars. Now whose IQ should be called into question?

Jim quickly lost friends and gained enemies as Dina Manzo declared, "The magnitude of his douche baggery could clean a whales vagina." Plus 25 for creativity. 

Even Jim's best friend Bobby got a taste of what a little weasel he is when he started repeating supposed insults about Nicole that Bobby had said in anger. Minus 15. Looks like their 10 year friendship just hit the end of the line. 

When Amber asked Teresa and Dina to the spa, it was kind of lame to have her apologize for her husband. Jim was the one hurling the insults at the group. He should be man enough to apologize in person. Minus 30. 

Speaking of the spa day…nightingale droppings. The ladies were paying someone to brush bird poop on their faces. That's simply gross. Minus 19. 

Dina's day wasn't getting any better as her date was half an hour late. He claimed he had a flat tire but if he could call her to ask her out, he could have called her to say he was running late. Minus 27. Dina needs to delete him and his spray tan right off her contact list. 

The upside of Jim Marchese's abysmal behavior is that it brought Nicole and Bobby closer together. He even took her to the gun range where she got to live out her Charlie's Angels fantasy. Plus 22.

There wasn't much of Teresa Guidice on this episode but Juicy Joe got the family some chickens. Yes, chickens! I'm sure the eggs are fresh but who is going to clean out that chicken coop? Minus 10.

Amber called Melissa to try and make amends…because that's what Jesus would do…but it didn't go well. Amber kept insisting that Melissa had no right to share something that she told her "behind closed doors." Someone should remind Amber that she also said it in front of Bravo's cameras. That hardly makes it something said in confidence. Minus 23.

As Melissa wondered why her old friend always seemed so angry, Joe Gorga shared his theory. "If you had a husband who looks like that and had the smallest penis in the world, you'd be angry too. The girl is pissed off."

Episode total = -95! Season total = -484!

It's been five episodes. Do you already hate Amber's husband Jim?

One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest Review

Editor Rating: 4.2 / 5.0
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Rating: 4.3 / 5.0 (3 Votes)

C. Orlando is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow her on Twitter.

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