Previously on Glee: The whole 5th season happened. Rachel's TV show, Mercedes virginity and Blaine's showcase seem to be the most important.
Tonight: Glee Season 5 Episode 20. Season Finale time!
Rachel is hosting a dinner because the writer of her potential show is coming to hang out and learn about her essence. Mary is a genius who sold her first script at 14.
Brittany's back! Yah Brittany! Her hair looks really pretty but she doesn't know that Santana is in Iowa shooting wheat-themed yeast infection commercials. Nice, Glee, what a way to write someone off the show. YIKES.
Mary, the writer, calls Rachel by the wrong name, unrolls a Garfield sleeping bag and pulls out an actual legit typewriter. "Gay NASA dads," she types. "That a cappella thing is so over," she says. "Lazy," she types. I like Mary the writer. This is exactly how I picture most geniuses in New York City.
Mercedes is on a mall tour. Wait, mall tours are still a thing? MALLS are still a thing? Brittany is her back-up dancer, so I approve of the entire endeavor. I think this is an original song? It's pretty catchy, although there are a surprising number of lyrics about Jesus.
Sam runs up on stage afterward to hug Mercedes and looks awkward.
Blaine is discussing his showcase with June. He's still begging to give Kurt a spot and she is still turning him down. Sad Blaine sings "All of Me" at a piano and it's beautiful. It makes my 5-year old cry.
Oh look, Kurt is wearing another jaunty neckerchief. He does not look jaunty though, especially when Blaine admits he's been lying about giving him a spot in the showcase and Kurt storms out.
Sam had a sexy audition for a company called Treasure Trails. It is very sexy. He's supposed to go back for the sexy photo shoot with the sexy lady photographer who is probably expecting some sexy times.
The girls try to convince Mercedes to dump Sam. The guys try to convince Sam to dump Mercedes. This seems like wise advice. They are no where NEAR ready to get married and Sam is never going to survive being a model and keeping it in his pants.
Rachel's fake TV show is like Girls, if Girls was even more like Girls than Girls could ever be. Kurt is wearing a dinosaur suit. There is a rave. A coffee rave. Everyone - even Rachel - realizes it is truly, truly terrible and she should NOT quit Broadway for it.
Blaine is sadly feeding pigeons until Kurt comes along to talk about trust and stuff. They make up for approximately the 500th time.
Rachel tells Mary her script is stupid and Mary says she knows TV better than Rachel does so whatevs. Rachel knows just what will change Mary's mind...A SONG! Mary makes the same face I would probably make.
Rachel sings "Glitter in the Air", which I have to Google to remember it's a Pink song. It's also a perfect choice for this scene, and I agree with Mary that it made me FEEL THINGS. Mary agrees to rewrite the show for people who
Sam is at his sexy photo shoot. Photographer: "Do you want a beer?" Sam: "I'm 19." Photographer: "I won't tell your mom." HA!
This photographer is now shooting with a Polaroid camera. Fraud! FRAUD! This is not a real photo shoot! But Sam is definitely feeling the sexy times.
He goes back to Mercedes apartment and admits he cheated on her, although his definition of cheating is just one kiss. Mercedes FINALLY admits they are NINETEEN and maybe waiting a decade to have sex isn't going to work for them. Sam agrees to break up but says no matter who he's sleeping with he'd rather be sleeping with Mercedes. That's...not romantic? But thanks?
Blaine's showcase with June is...lame. I'm not the target audience, obvs, but despite the song being kind of funny this is not going to convince ANYONE to make Blaine a star. Yawn.
And then despite everything June said, Blaine pulls Kurt up on stage to sing American Boy. BUUUUUUURN. June is pissed. But this is way. WAY more fun than the first song and by the end, even June is convinced enough to get up and dance. She tells Blaine to be true to his heart or something, which is basically the opposite of everything else she ever said.
Rachel reads through her new show and it's better! I still think quitting Broadway is a terrible idea!! Mary is sending it to the network so we'll just have to wait and see if all Rachel's Dreams Come True.
Sam's dream of being almost naked on a bus definitely comes true! And then he quits modeling. And New York. Is Sam off the show too?? I'm surprised this is not the final season, although Rachel said something about "meeting back here in 6 years". Is THAT next season - 6 years in the future? I do not like that idea.
What the hell is wrong with Rachel's shorts/skirt thing? It's distracting me from enjoying this dancing in the streets of New York montage set to "Pompeii". Besides the wardrobe, I like this as the finale.
Rachel gets a call from the network and gets a pilot in LA. Since this is Glee, I am sure it will not end up canceled after three episodes. She looks meaningfully at the camera before smiling and walking away.
I really wish this had been the last season. Do you think Season 6 of Glee is a good idea?