Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 full episodes online, free and paid options via our partners and affiliates.

Alan and Charlie Image
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 16
"That Darn Priest"
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Rose learns the truth behind Alan's Ponzi scheme, while he finally "meets" Manny.

Rose and Charlie Photo
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 15
"Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak"
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Charlie and Rose continue their affair, while Alan takes Ponzi scheme investments into his Chiropractor business.

The Asketeeers
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 14
"Lookin' for Japanese Subs"
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Charlie becomes obsessed with the recently married Rose; Jake and Eldridge try and make their own homemade Jackass.

Charlie and Lyndsey Bond
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 13
"Skunk, Dog, Crap and Ketchup"
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When Charlie and Lyndsey become friends, Alan's jealousy gets the better of him.

Charlie and Courtney Break Up
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 12
"Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead"
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When Charlie and Courtney break up, Charlie falls into a depression and goes to see his old psychiatrist.

Charlie and Courtney Kiss
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 11
"Dead from the Waist Down"
Original Air Date:

When Alan can't afford to buy Lyndsey a present, he gets creative.

Jenny McCarthy is Back!
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 10
"Ow, Ow, Don't Stop"
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Courtney (Jenny McCarthy) returns after spending three years in prison for conning Charlie out of money.

Judd Nelson on Two and a Half Men
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 9
"A Good Time in Central Africa"
Original Air Date:

While Berta goes on vacation, Charlie gets a replacement; Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex (Judd Nelson) is stalking him.

Russell the Pharmacist
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 8
"Springtime on a Stick"
Original Air Date:

Charlie and Alan try to set their mother up with Russell (Martin Mull), the pharmacist.

Rose Returns
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 7
"The Crazy Bitch Gazette"
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Rose returns and Charlie's new girlfriend, Michelle (Liz Vassey) can't deal with her stalking.

Liz Vassey on Two and a Half Men
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 6
"Twanging Your Magic Clanger"
Original Air Date:

Charlie has trouble adjusting to dating an older woman, Michelle (Liz Vassey); Alan stays at home all weekend with his hand.

Charlie Gets Plastic Surgery
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 5
"The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel"
Original Air Date:

Alan pretends to be Charlie at home while the latter is off getting plastic surgery.

Alan and Lyndsey
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 4
"Hookers, Hookers, Hookers"
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Alan, Lyndsey, Jake and Eldritch move into Charlie after Alan burns Lyndsey's home down.

Alan Moves Out
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 3
"A Pudding-Filled Cactus"
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Despite moving in with Lindsey, Alan continues to use Charlie's house as his love shack with Melissa.

Melissa is Back
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 2
"A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer"
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When Lindsey asks Alan to move in with her, Charlie is willing to do anything to get his brother to agree.

Drink Still in Hand
Watch Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 1
"Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud"
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The eighth season of Two and a Half Men kicks off with this episode. During the half hour, Charlie decides to cut back on drinking.

Two and a Half Men Season 8 Quotes

Charlie: For every gorgeous woman out there's a guy tired of banging her.
Alan: But that guy is never me.

Charlie: Oh, try MalibuPuddingGirls.com.
Alan: Pudding Girls?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Oh ... ew.