Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS

Two and a Half Men Season 9

"Oh Look! Al Qaeda?"

It's the season finale of Two and a Half Men, as Alan and Lindsey get into a major argument.

"The Straw In My Donut Hole"

Zoey wonders why everyone makes such a fuss when Alan leaves the hospital on the 200th episode of Two and a Half Men.

"Why We Gave Up Women"

Kathy Bates guest stars on Two and a Half Men this week. As Charlie?!? Yup.

"Mr. Hose Says Yes"

Alan moves in with Lindsey and the results aren't what he expected. Meanwhile Zoey and her daughter become Walden's housemates.

"Grandma's Pie"

Alan and Lyndsey react to the shocking development in their lives this week: their mothers are dating?!?

"Palmdale, Ech"

Jake and Elridge enlist the help of Walden this week. He drives them to a high school party.

"The War Against Gingivitis"

Patton Oswalt guest stars on this episode of Two and a Half Men. He plays Walden's former business partner.

"Not In My Mouth"

Does Lyndsey have a drinking problem? Alan ponders this question on this episode of Two and a Half Men.

"Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy"

It's an anger-filled Valentine's Day on Two and a Half Men, as Walden, Alan, Lyndsey and Zoey are trapped inside together.

"The Duchess of Dull-In Sack"

Two and a Half Men is back after a brief hiatus. This episode is titled "The Duchess of Dull-In Sack."

"A Possum on Chemo"

Walden changes up his look on Two and a Half Men this week. So long, homeless guy!

"Slowly and in a Circular Fashion"

Walden needs help from Alan on this episode of Two and a Half Men because his mother and ex-wife attempt wrestle away control of his company.

"One False Move, Zimbabwe!"

Alan falls for Walden's mom on this episode of Two and a Half Men, while also learning something about her new friend's past.

A Mexican Flight
"What a Lovely Landing Strip"

Walden tries to impress his new love interest this week. But then Bridget reappears in his life.

"A Fishbowl Full Of Glass Eyes"

Is Walden ready to date again? He meets a beautiful British woman on this episode of Two and a Half Men.

"Frodo's Headshots"

Alan ends up in a mental hospital on Two and a Half Men this week, as Gary Busey guest stars as himself.

"Thank You For The Intercourse"

Walden's redecorates this week. But the move sends Alan over the edge on Two and a Half Men.

"Those Fancy Japanese Toilets"

Jake crushes on his teacher this week, but there's a problem: she crushes on Walden.

"The Squat and Hover"

Walden receives divorce papers this week. He then meets a woman who resembles his ex.

"Giant Cat Holding Churro"

Walden tries to cheer Alan up this week. How so? By throwing him a bikini party, of course.

"Nine Magic Fingers"

Walden is on a mission this week. Where is Mrs. Right? She must be around somewhere!

"Big Girls Don't Throw Dog Food"

Alan hangs out with Jake this week and realizes: his son isn't exactly so smart.

"People Who Love Peepholes"

It's the second half of the Two and a Half Mn season premiere event. We meet Walden's ex-wife this week.

"Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt"

Perhaps you've heard the news: Charlie Sheen is out and Ashton Kutcher is in. We meet the latter's character on this season premiere.

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