Mr. Garrison Sr.: Would you have sex with your son to save his life? Man at bar 1: Oh, this is one of them scruples questions ain't it? Man at bar 2: No, no I got a better one: Would you have sex with your motherto save your father's life? Man at bar 1: You mean like if someone had a gun to your father's head and said if you don't have sex with her, I'll kill him? Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat and said "have sex with your mother or I'm gonna kill your father while having sex with you, I would have sex with myself.
Skeeter: Hey Panda Bear! We don't take kindly to your types around here. Bartender: Now Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' nobody. Skeeter: No! I wanna know something from Mr. Panda Bear here. If you pandas are from mountainous areas of China and Tibet, how come you only eat bamboo which is prone to grow in dryer, more arid regions?