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Family Guy Season 5

"Meet The Quagmires"

Death grants Peter's wish to go back to 1984, when he was 18, for one night. Peter stands up Lois on a date and ends up going out with an actress.

"It Takes a Village Idiot, and I Married One"

Lois runs for mayor of Quahog and dumbs down her political views to win. Once inside office, Peter enjoys the perks that come with being the "first lady" of Quahog.

"No Chris Left Behind"

After Chris is expelled from school, he's sent to the same boarding school Carter attended. Meanwhile, the Chicken returns to Quahog to fight Peter.

"Boys Do Cry"

Lois gets a job as the Church organist and the family starts going to Church again. After getting sick at communion, the Church assumes Stewie is the devil and they chase him to Texas.

"No Meals On Wheels"

The Griffins open their own restaurant, but when it fails to attract customers, Joe offers to bring his friends by.

"Bill and Peter's Bogus Journey"

Peter helps Bill Clinton fix his flat tire and soon the two become best friends. Meanwhile, Lois and Stewie try to potty-train Brian.

"Airport '07"

When Peter has to drive Quagmire to work, he gets the poor guy fired. Quagmire gets some advice from his mentor, Hugh Hefner.

"The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou"

When a bully picks on Chris, he goes to Peter for help, who ends up beating the kid senseless. Meanwhile, when Stewie goes out without sunscreen and accidentally gets a tan, he becomes obsessed with tanning.

"Peter's Two Dads"

After Peter's father, Francis dies, Thelma tells Peter that his real father is in Ireland. Meanwhile, Lois spanks Stewie when he misbehaves.

"Road to Rupert"

Brian sells Rupert at a garage sale and has to take an upset Stewie cross-country to Colorado to find the stuffed animal. Meanwhile, Peter loses his license and forces Meg to drive him around.

"Barely Legal"

Meg can't find a date to junior prom, so Brian takes her. Meanwhile, Peter, Cleveland and Quagmire join the police and end up helping Brian.

"Chick Cancer"

Stewie marries his old flame, Olivia, and their marriage quickly turns dull. Meanwhile, Lois makes Peter watch chick flicks, so he decides to make his own.

"Prick Up Your Ears"

Lois discovers that the school has been teaching Chris incorrect things about sex, so she volunteers to teach the sex-ed class. Meanwhile, Stewie becomes terrified of the tooth fairy and sets traps to catch her.

"Whistle While Your Wife Works"

After blowing off his fingers with some fireworks, Peter can't get all his work done. Lois comes to the brewery to help him out. Meanwhile, Stewie discovers that Brian is dating Jillian, an attractive, but dumb woman.

"Saving Private Brian"

When Chris is approached to join the military, Brian goes to the recruitment office to argue them. While there, Stewie signs the two up for service. Meanwhile, Chris joins a goth band.

"Hell Comes to Quahog"

When Peter uses Meg's money to buy a tank, she has to get a job at the new Superstore. Soon the new Superstore puts all the other stores out of business and begins sucking the town's power.

"Mother Tucker"

When Peter's mom gets a divorce, Peter feels abandoned until he sees her new boyfriend, Tom Tucker, as a father figure. Meanwhile, Brian gets his own radio show that Stewie soon crashes.

"Stewie Loves Lois"

Stewie becomes obsessed with Lois after she saves Rupert's life; Peter thinks his doctor molests him during a routine prostate exam.

Show:
Season:
5
Air Dates:
to
Total Episodes:
18

Family Guy Season 5 Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

(Gregory Peck and his kids are riding in the car, his kids look and talk exactly like him)
Son #1: Are we there yet?
Son #2: It's crowded back here!
Son #3: Stop touching me!
Son #2: Your leg is rubbing up against mine!
Gregory Peck: Hey! Quiet down or I'm pulling over.
Son #1: Stop breathing on the window!
Son #2: You idiot! That's condensation, it's on the outside.
Gregory Peck: That's it! I will come back there and so help me god, I will hit you with my ring-hand.