Let's start with all that's truly new about this season:
There's a short, abbreviated version of the famous theme song; the Wilsons have moved to a new home; and, tragically, grandma Wilson has a show in Las Vegas, depriving us of the show's best one-liners.
As for the rest of the episode, let's run it down, relationship by relationship:
Naomi wants to move on from Liam, whose whereabouts are still unknown. She's been sleeping with an older man named Jason all summer. But he soon shows up at the beach club and Naomi sees that he's married with two kids. As a result, she's on the prowl for new "man meat."
But the episode ends with old meat: Liam is spotted in the hallway on the first day of school. Naomi can't bear to speak to him.
Silver is torn between Ethan and Dixon. Things are clearly awkward between the former couple, as they eventually go for a walk at a beach club party. Dixon asks if Silver wants to get back together and she responds with a big, wet kiss. All seems well, right? Not so much: later on, Teddy (who you'll read about shortly) finds Silver's phone and reads off the text message on it. It's from Ethan. It says he's staying in Montana and misses her. Did Silver choose Dixon simply because Ethan isn't coming back?
Even later on, Teddy tells Dixon that Silver is "probably off texting that Ethan guy. They kissed or something..." Uh-oh! Dixon takes this information and breaks up with Silver because of it. But, crying, she tells Naomi and Adrianna that she chose Dixon because she wasn't disappointed when Ethan said he was moving across the country. (Note to Silver: next time, erase your text messages!)
Adrianna and Navid seem happy. But they are on different pages about something very important: Navid thinks the couple is ready for sex; Adrianna is sick of drama and wants to take... things... very... slowly. The pair eventually talk it out and Navid accepts the fact that he's gonna be a virgin for a long time. But this is made extra difficult by the presence of Teddy:
He's a talented tennis player with a movie star of a father. He's spotted on the beach club tennis court and says he's starting in the fall at West Beverly. Turns out, he and Adrianna used to date at camp - and, sorry Navid, he was Adrianna's first! This ought to make things awkward, interesting and hilarious, as Navid must battle with this stud of a student for Adrianna's affections.
Annie is hated on by everyone. Naomi thinks she slept with Liam, everyone knows she called the police on Naomi's party in the May finale. And Annie is obsessed with finding out the fate of the guy she hit with her car. She soon learns that he died, but when she tries to open up to Dixon about it, he misinterprets her mistake as sex with Liam and the siblings fight. She just can't win.
As a result, Annie is left alone at the aforementioned party. She's hit on by a senior named Mark and the pair end of boozing and sneaking off to a cabana to hook up.
When Annie arrives for the first day of school, viewers learn two things, neither of which will bode well for her: Teddy drives the car that pulled up behind her after her hit and run last spring; and Mark took a photo of her naked. Naomi overhears him bragging about it to friends, sends herself the photo and walks away with a mischievous smile on her face.
Teddy: I gotta say. I like the way you handle balls.
Silver: The way you say that, it almost sounds sexual.
- Permalink: I gotta say. I like the way you handle balls. The way you say ...
Naomi: Am I the only one that thought [Monica Lewinsky] had real talent as a bag designer?
- Permalink: Am I the only one that thought had real talent as a bag designe...