Jack is distraught from the news seeking advice from Liz.
She urges him to track down his real dad like an "emotional Italian" rather than a "repressed Irish" man.
Jack says he doesn't want to invite more family into his life because most family just want to suck you dry. That and he wants to have something juicy to whisper to his mother on her death bed.
But after receiving information from his private investigator, he narrows down his possible fathers to three men.
Liz suggests he figure out who the real one is "Mama Mia" style, this way she can also put on a "mad cap musical romp."
They decide they'll gets the three men to meet him by telling them they each won a trip to NY and tickets to TGS.
Jack asks Tracy's opinion on his fatherless situation and Tracy dispels a secret about an illegitimate son he recently found out he had.
His "bastard," Donald Jordan, is introduced to the team and Liz immediately notices something fishy about him.
She thinks he's scamming Tracy because he appears to be a little too old to be his son but she finds it hard to tell how old African Americans are so there's no proving her theory without a birth certificate.
He could be anywhere between 25 and 40 for all she knows, but then again Tracy could be 60 or 70 since he falls asleep in chairs and watches NCIS.
There's no telling how old either of them are but she intends to find out.
Jack wanted more catch phrases on the show so Liz gave him the smash hit "That's a Deal Breaka," a skit that Jenna performs, winning mounds of praise.
Funny thing is, Liz is the one who actually came up with the idea, Jenna was just the talking head. Liz gets jealous of the attention Jenna receives and forces herself into a photo shoot for Time Out NY.
On the set of the photo shoot Jenna warns Liz not to use any of the props they put out for "wacky" pictures because they always use the funny picture and then you end up looking like an idiot with a rubber chicken.
Jenna believes the best thing to do is to pout her lips to try to look like Lindsay Lohan and ignore the props.
The photographer, try as he might, throws the rubber chicken at Jenna but she refuses to participate. Liz, in the heat of the moment, offers to hold the rubber chicken and in turn steals the spotlight.
This ends up earning Liz the cover; a beautiful shot of her wearing Groucho Marx glasses, while pretending to birth a rubber chicken on the toilet.
Jenna shows Liz the cover hoping she dies of humiliation for not taking her advice, but Liz is just as pleased with the "wacky" photo as she would be with a Lindsay Lohan photo.
Obviously because her beauty is her personality and her willingness to act like an idiot for other people's enjoyment. But it leaving out the fake mustache wouldn't have hurt either.
The three dads arrive at the studio and are introduced to Jack one by one. The first is a Korean man; the second is a man with no genitalia - it was blown off WWII, "looks like a bowl of spaghetti-o's down there;" and last, Alan Alda as Milton Green, a Liberal, Agnostic professor.
A Perfect match!
Soon after introductions are made and a quick discussion on hereditary mental illness, a fight between Jack and Milton breaks out over a photo of Jack with Tom DeLay.
This fight settles what everybody already knows, THIS is Jack's dad!
What else do father and sons do if not argue politics? Except usually its the rebellious young liberal son vs. the uptight republican dad, not the reverse.
Liz and Pete are still on the hunt to figure out Donald's age.
They test him and Tracy by seeing if they know the song "It Takes Two to Make a Thing Go Right," which anyone under the age of 40 should know.
Neither of them have any recollection of the song. This on top of the fact that Donald continuously asks Tracy for money to start up his "Karate Dojo" and he sells magazine subscriptions to benefit the "community center" leave Liz and Pete wondering about Donald's true intentions.
To test Donald again, Lutz, a Green Belt in Karate, challenges him to a match. Turns out Donald knows karate... really well.
But it doesn't matter because they end up getting a hold of Donald's birth certificate which proves that he is 40 and not 21. When this is brought to Tracy's attention he tells Liz that he knew the whole time.
He came to Tracy three years ago, living life on the wrong side of the tracks and by giving him money he's turned his life around.
Donald is Tracy's own personal philanthropy project.
He actually started the Dojo, or "The Tracy Jordan Institute of Black Karate," and he's helped to make the community center thrive again from selling all of those magazine subscriptions.
Son or not, giving a lost soul and himself a sense of purpose is priceless. I wish I could find myself a rich illegitimate daddy.
When confronted with the news of Jack being Milton's son, Milton jumps up and hugs jack, tearing with cheer. Jack is thrilled that he's thrilled and when he reiterates how amazing it all is Milton says, "you don't know the half of it, I need a Kidney!"
Help mommy's baby.Lutz
- Permalink: Help mommy's baby.
Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls, but I'm not an idiot.Tracy
- Permalink: Liz Lemon, I may hug people too hard and get lost at malls, but ...