Mr. Dupont: Mr. Chipping and I have conferred and decided on the theme for the Baxter Brothers writing competition. Who’s interested?
[Everyone’s hands raise except Jughead]
Mr. Chipping: Jughead?
Jughead: Oh no, I’m in … and I’m winning. And please, Mr. Chipping, from here on out, you can call me Forsythe the 3rd. It’s after my grandfather.
Mr. Dupont: Wonderful, then you and your classmates will be challenged to devise the perfect murder. That’s your theme. Let the bloodbath begin.

Archie: Consider this a declaration of war. Leave town or the next time we meet, you won’t be driving away, you won’t even be walking. That’s a promise.
[Dodger turns around to grab a gun and Archie disappears]
Dodger: I’m not going anywhere. You’re a dead man, you hear me? You’re a dead man!

Kevin: So, we’re not bailing on your hot brother’s FBI class? I thought based on what happened to Caramel…
Betty: That was before I got privileged information that made me realized we don’t actually know anything about Charles. Forget “Is Charles is gay or straight?” I’m interested in: “Is if he’s a serial killer or not?”

Donna: Enjoying yourself, Jones?
Jughead: So, this is what one percenters do for fun? Play Murder. Oh, by the way…
[Jughead winks]
Donna: Wicked, Jones.
Jughead: I should…
Donna: Yea, go on then. Let me die in peace.
[Donna faints dramatically]

I only saw to it that she got a taste of the most addictive substance on Earth.

Agent Odell

Sinzell: What you gonna do? Arrest me?
Painkiller: They don’t call me when they want someone arrested. They call me when they want someone gone.
[Painkiller poisons and kills Sinzell]

Anissa: Okay look, me, Reverend Holt, and a handful of other people, we started up our Underground Railroad. We’ve been sneaking Metas and suspected Metas outside the perimeter.
Jefferson: But, how did you get them…?
Anissa: With assistance from Uncle Gambi.
Jefferson: All these years of calling you “Harriet Tubman” were prophetic.
Anissa: Okay, Dad, stop, please.
Jefferson: No, I’m proud of you.
Anissa: Thank you.

Grace: Anissa, this would be a lot for anybody.
Anissa: Grace, I told you we’re in. Me, you, the leopard, that old guy … all of us. It’s one big party up in here. It is not your beautiful face or this fine-a** body that I’m in love with. Well, don’t get me wrong, if we’re taking votes, this one is by far my favorite. It’s not even about that. It’s you, Grace. Your heart, your soul, your essence. That is what I’m in love with. Just you.

Darius: I went into the basement…
Cheryl: Halt! You went down to the basement, specially I ordered you not to. You didn’t go into the chapel, did you?!
Darius: No! Miss Cheryl…
Cheryl: Thistle House has never had rats!
Toni: But Babe, we did hear something last night. Remember?
Cheryl: You’re right, Ti Ti. And suddenly, I am feeling the presence of a rat. A 6” tall rat with muscles and bedroom eyes. Darius, I knew you were a mistake from the beginning, so … you’re fired. Tootles!

Betty: I’m just happy this nightmare is finally over.
[Doorbell rings and a mysterious VHS is found outside]
Jughead: Famous last words.

Archie: What’s the haul, Ronnie?
Veronica: A little over four.
Archie: Grand? That’s great.
Veronica: Hundred, Archie. I think I overestimated the financial pull of your pectorals.
[The boys sigh]
Veronica: Hey! We’re just getting started. Maybe we could do a “Magic Mike” night at La Bonne Nuit? Or, dare I say, you boys go “The Full Monty”?
[The boys groan]
Veronica: We’ll figure something out. We always do.

Donna: But, a word of advice, Newbie. I’d watch your back around Brett.
Jughead: Why? What is his deal?
Donna: He’s a diplo-brat. “Son a diplomat.” Thinks it gives him immunity to do whatever he wants.
Jughead: Like beat me up?
Donna: That’s not how Brett fights. Okay, it’s psychological with him, and he’s not afraid to play dirty.
Jughead: Okay, I’ll take your advice.

TV Quotes Quotes

Amanda: You don't know how you made it to the surface?
Nolan: No, but the purple skins do.
Amanda: Purple skins?
Nolan: I'll tell you on the way

Conquer! Kill! Devour! Put it on a T-shirt so you don't forget.

Doc Yewll