Sarah Michelle Gellar Quotes
Dr. Gregory: I know you can excel in this class, and so I expect no less. Is that clear?
Buffy: Yeah. Sorry.
Dr. Gregory: Don’t be sorry. Be smart. And please don’t listen to the principal or anyone else’s negative opinion about you. Let’s make him eat that permanent record. What do you say?
Buffy: Okay, thanks.
Giles: Well, basically, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins?! Well, Xander’s not...uh...uh...I mean he’s probably...
Willow: He’s gonna die!
[Willow gets up and leaves]
Buffy: Any luck?
Giles: I’ve not found any creature as of yet that strikes terror in a vampire’s heart.
Buffy: Try looking under “things that can turn their heads all the way around.”
Giles: Nothing human can do that.
Buffy: Nothing human...but there are some insects that can. Whatever she is, I’m going to be ready for her.
Giles: What are you gonna do?
Buffy: My homework.
Buffy: Amy? Are you Amy?
Giles: I don’t understand.
Buffy: She switched...she switched your bodies, didn’t she?
Giles: Good lord.
Buffy: She wanted to relive her glory days.
“Catherine”: She said I was wasting my youth...so she took it.
Joyce: Some of the best times I had in school were working on the yearbook.
Buffy: Well, this just in, I’m not you. I’m into my own thing.
Joyce: “Your own thing.” Whatever it is, got you kicked out of school and we had to move here to find a decent school that would take you.
[Buffy leaves upset]
Joyce: Honey...Ugh. Great parenting form; a little shaky on the dismount.
Buffy: You guys don’t have to get involved.
Xander: What do you mean? We’re a team. Aren’t we a team?
Willow: Yeah. You’re the Slayer, and we’re like the Slayerettes.
Buffy: So, this isn’t a vampire problem?
Giles: No.
Buffy: But this is funky, right? Not of the norm.
Giles: Quite. Spontaneous human combustion is rare and scientifically unexplainable. There have been cases for hundreds of years. Usually all that’s left is a pile of ashes.
Willow: That’s all that would’ve been left if it hadn’t been for Buffy.
Xander: So, we have no idea what caused this? That’s a comfort.
Giles: But that’s the thrill of living on the Hellmouth. There’s a veritable cornucopia of fiends and devils and ghouls to look at.
[They all look at him confused]
Giles: Pardon me for finding the glass half full.
Buffy: What the...?
[Amber dances and smoke appears]
Willow: That girl’s on fire!
Cordelia: Enough with the hyperbole.
[Amber’s hands burst into flames]
Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school?
[Xander, Buffy and Willow walk away]
Xander: Oh, yeah, that’s a plan. Because lots of schools are not hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you can blow something up? They’re really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach. You know, like excessive not studying.
[Giles touches his glasses]
Giles: The earth is doomed.
Buffy: So Giles, got anything that could make this day any worse?
Giles: How about the end of the world?
Buffy: ...I knew I could count on you.
Willow: Buffy, I’m not anxious to go into a dark place full of monsters, but I do want to help. I need to.
Giles: Then help me. We can research this Harvest affair. It seems to be some sort of preordained massacre, rivers of blood, hell on earth...quite charmless. I’m a bit fuzzy, however, on the details. Maybe you rest some details from that dread machine?
[They look at him confused]
Giles: That was a bit...ummm...British, wasn’t it?
Buffy: Welcome to the new world.
Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we’re having a talk about vampires. We’re having a talk...with vampires in it.
Willow: Isn’t that what we saw last night?
Buffy: No. No, those weren’t vampires. Those were just guys in a serious need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies? It could’ve been rabies! And that guy turning into dust... just trick of light.
[Xander gives her a look]
Buffy: That’s exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.
Willow: Oh, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh...good for me.
