Snooki: My first thought was: I don't wanna clean this up. My second thought was: I just f*%ked up dinner. My third thought was: What the f*%k am I gonna eat?!

JWoww: When I saw Angelina I was like 'that's the icing on the cake.'
Snooki: I'm going to act like she's a fly on the wall and pretend she's not there.

Snooki: You're a white rat and you're f*%king pale and you're nasty.
Angelina: Yeah well you're too tan and you're disgusting.
Snooki: I AM tan and I like being tan BITCH!

If you're gonna hand me a bottle of SoCo, something just comes over me - I just go crazy!

I don't go tanning tanning anymore because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning. McCain would never put a 10 percent tax on tanning. Because he's pale and would probably want to be tan. Obama doesn't have that problem. Obviously.

I feel like a pilgrim from the f*%king '20s washing this $h!t in the sink.

My bronzer is leaking off my face.

I came in with a bang and I'm going out with a bang.

[on her one-woman dance party] I was honestly going to put my hat down so I could get money.

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