Cordelia: What about you?
Xander: I’m going to stay here.
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.

Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
[Xander laughs uncomfortably and Cordelia stares him daggers]
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I...never have.

Angelus: If I decide to walk into Buffy's room, do you even believe for a micro-second that you could stop me?
Xander: Maybe not. Maybe that security guard couldn't either, or those cops or the orderlies, but I'm kind of curious to find out. You game?
Angelus: Buffy's white knight. You still love her.
[Angelus whispers]
Angelus: It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die and I'm gonna there.
[Angelus gives Xander the flowers for Buffy]
Angelus: Tell her I stopped by.

If Giles wants to go after the, uh, fiend that murdered his girlfriend. I say, "Faster, pussycat, kill kill."


Drusilla: Your face is a poem. I can read it.
Xander: Really? It doesn't say "spare me" by any chance?
Drusilla: do you feel about eternal life?
Xander: We couldn't just start with a coffee? A movie, maybe?
[She goes in for a bite]
Mob: Get him!

Giles: I cannot believe that you are fool enough to do something like this.
Xander: Oh, no, I'm twice the fool it takes to do something like this.
Giles: Has Amy tried to reverse the spell?
Xander: When I get around Amy, all she wants to do is talk honeymoon plans.

Xander: Amy! Good to see you! You're a witch!
Amy: No, I'm not! That was my mom, remember?
Xander: Yeah, I'm thinking it runs in the family. I saw you working that mojo on Miss Beakman. Maybe I should go tell somebody about that?
Amy: What...that's not even...that is so mean!
Xander: Blackmail is such an ugly word.
Amy: I didn't say blackmail.
Xander: Yeah, but I'm about to blackmail you, so I thought I'd bring it up.

Xander: When are you guys gonna stop making fun of me for dating Cordelia?
Buffy: I'm sorry, but never. I just think you could find somebody more...better.
Xander: A parallel universe maybe. Here the only other person I’m interested in is...unavailable.

Giles: The werewolf, uh, is such a potent, extreme representation of our inborn, animalistic traits that it emerges for three full consecutive nights: the full moon, and uh, the two nights surrounding it.
Willow: Quite the party animal.
Giles: Quite. And it, uh, acts on pure instinct, no conscience, predatory and aggressive.
Buffy: In other words, your typical male.
Xander: On behalf of my gender...hey!
Giles: Yes, let’s not jump to any conclusions.
Buffy: I didn’t jump I took a tiny step and there conclusions were.

Xander: What could she possibly see in him?
Cordelia: Excuse me?! We didn’t come here to talk about Willow. We came here to do things I can never tell my father about because he stills thinks I’m a...good girl.
Xander: I just don't trust Oz with her. I mean, he's a senior. He's attractive. Okay, maybe not to me, but...and he's in a band. And we know what kind of element that attracts.
Cordelia: I've dated lots of guys in bands.
[He nods]
Xander: Thank you.

Giles: Oh, good morning! Is everything in order for the party?
Xander: Absolutely! You ready to get down, you funky party weasel?!
Giles: Here comes Buffy. Now remember, discretion is the better part of valor.
Xander: You could have just said, "Shh." God, are all you Brits such drama queens?

Xander: How are you guys doing?
Willow: Did I really hit you?
Xander: You knocked me out.
Cordelia: Did I hit you?
Xander: Yes. Everyone hit me.
Cordelia: Good. Well, I don't mean good because I hit you, but I didn't want to be left out.

Nicholas Brendon Quotes

Buffy: Well, I gotta look on the bright side. Maybe I can still get kicked out of school?
[Xander, Buffy and Willow walk away]
Xander: Oh, yeah, that’s a plan. Because lots of schools are not hellmouths.
Willow: Maybe you can blow something up? They’re really strict about that.
Buffy: I was thinking of a more subtle approach. You know, like excessive not studying.
[Giles touches his glasses]
Giles: The earth is doomed.

Xander: Okay, this is where I have a problem. See, because we’re having a talk about vampires. We’re having a talk...with vampires in it.
Willow: Isn’t that what we saw last night?
Buffy: No. No, those weren’t vampires. Those were just guys in a serious need of a facial. Or maybe they had rabies? It could’ve been rabies! And that guy turning into dust... just trick of light.
[Xander gives her a look]
Buffy: That’s exactly what I said the first time I saw a vampire. Well, after I was done with the screaming part.
Willow: Oh, I need to sit down.
Buffy: You are sitting down.
Willow: Oh...good for me.