Hermione: We’re not really taking this seriously, are we?
Tom: I think we have to assume this is real for our kids’ sake.
Hermione: And then what? We’re just supposed to leave them home alone all night while we run around pretending to be teenagers again?
Alice: May I remind you what happened last Ascension Night? Someone ended up dead!
Penelope: We don’t have any choice in the matter. We all know why this is happening again ... and now. Two members of the original Midnight Club are daring to get married, to be happy. And the Gargoyle King, whoever and whatever he is, wants to destroy that. He is a vicious and petty god, and if we don’t finish the game now, the Gargoyle King is never going to leave us alone.

Hermione: Okay, Veronica. First of all, I sincerely hope that you don’t think I’m capable of...
Veronica: I don’t know what to believe anymore! Which is why I’m leaving this house of horrors while I still can. Maybe you should too.
Hermione: He’s my husband.
Veronica: Right, well, you and Daddy can pop open a bottle of Cristal because he finally did. He finally won. He finally drove Archie and me away for good.
[Veronica leaves the room with her bag]

Hermione: Alice! We promised each other we would never talk about this. I mean, who else did you tell?!
Alice: I only told Betty to protect her, so she wouldn’t play the game
Betty: And it worked, I’m not playing the game. But many of your kids are; this is about protecting your kids. Do you care?
Sierra: Care?! Josie had a seizure this morning. I should be with her right now, not here rehashing the past when it has zero relevance.
Betty: Attorney McCoy, it is relevant! Your daughter is playing the game. Along with Kevin and Cheryl, and even your son Reggie, Mr. Mantle. No matter how many black eyes you give him.
Marty: I would never hit my son.
Betty: Another lie.

Fred: Was it close at least?
Hermione: Very. Less than 200 hundred votes.
Sierra: So what? You came to gloat?
Hermione: No, Sierra, I came to tell Fred that he ran a great campaign.
[She offers her hand and they shake hands]

Veronica: Daddykins, care to comment on the rumors that you’ve been having meetings with Claudius and Penelope Blossom in their barn?
Hiram: Certainly. I’m looking to diversity Lodge Industries holdings by possibly getting into the maple trade.
Veronica: So, it’s not that you enlisted Claudius to impersonate The Black Hood and take pot shots at Mom during the town hall debate?
Hermione: Veronica, have you lost your mind?!
Hiram: Your imagination is getting the better of you.
Veronica: Maybe, maybe not. But, I don’t think any of us in this room can deny that it’s at least possible that you’d put Mom in the crosshairs to pursue some personal political agenda

[Hiram walks in worried. Hermione and Veronica sitting quietly at a table]
Hermione: There’s another dead body in the study.
Veronica: It’s your mess, Daddy. You clean it up.

Veronica: Mom. Sheriff Pinada.
Hermione: Veronica, what are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at home with Andre.
Veronica: Andre’s in the car. We had to make a detour.
[Veronica looks at the Black Hood bounty sign]
Veronica: Good lord, Mom. Are you and Daddy trying to turn Riverdale into Gotham City?

Hermione: What’s all this?
Veronica: It’s ransom money. Not for Archie, I got him back. No, this is from when I turned the tables on Nick and held for ransom instead. His parents gave me a cool million for my trouble.
Hiram: I told you I was handling the St. Clairs.
Veronica: Funny enough, they hadn’t heard boo about Archie’s kidnapping, but I’ll leave that to you to explain to Archie. He’s in the study waiting for you.

Archie: Mrs. Lodge, I...would never ever do anything to betray your family. I swear.
Hermione: So you’ve proven to me these last few weeks. Hiram and I, unbeknownst to our daughter, enlisted one of our closest associates to approach you, say he was an FBI agent investigating Hiram. Agent Adams isn’t real. He works for me. One of my capos. I asked him to apply a lot of pressure to you, threaten your father even. See if you would crack.
Archie: Wait, this whole thing, it was all some kind of test?
Hermione: Yes, it was...and you passed. Welcome to the family, Archie.

Hermione: Now you know. You know everything.
Hiram: So miha, what do you think?
Veronica: I’m in, but I have ground rules. Well...one ground rule.
Hiram: By all means...
Veronica: I refuse to do anything illegal.
Hermione: That’s fine, especially since we’re not doing anything illegal either. Let me share two words to live by: “Plausible deniability.”

Veronica: What was he doing here?
Hermione: The shadow of The Black Hood has finally landed on our home. We received a letter.
Veronica: What? What did it say?!
Hiram: The usual, that we’ll be targeted and punished for our sinful ways.
Veronica: Well, don’t let it ruin your day.
Hermione: According to Keller, apparently dozens of other households have received the exact same letter.
Veronica: Well, I don’t know about those other people, but we’re actually sinners.

Hermione: The St. Clairs had a car accident. They were run off the road. Nick...he will recover. It will take several months.
Veronica: Oh well. Karma’s a bitch.
[Hiram moves his Chess piece]
Hiram: Checkmate.

Marisol Nichols Quotes

Mrs. Lodge: When your father was arrested, he made you a legal officer of Lodge Industries. Surprise! And two out of three signatures are needed to override the contract, which your father wants to give to a less than legit outfit.
Veronica: And you want my help to give it to your boyfriend? [Scoffs] I was going to apologize to you. If I sign that, will you stop seeing Fred Andrews?
Mrs. Lodge: Honey, I can't agree to that.
Veronica: Then that case, Mom, I'm sorry, but no. However, you're rationalizing what you're doing with Archie's dad, I don't want any part of it.
[She leaves]
[Hermione forges Veronica's signature]

Mrs. Cooper: Hermoine Lodge. Park Ave Princess to cater waiter.
Mrs. Lodge: Alice Cooper. No longer lactose intolerant, I see.
Mrs. Cooper: How's Veronica? Oh, you don't even know, do you? The things they're saying about your daughter at school?
Mrs. Lodge: What things?
Mrs. Cooper: Slut-shaming. It's what they call it when sluts get shamed.