Kevin: Well, there’s this guy and we’ve been having problems...
Cheryl: Moose, you mean?
[Kevin is stunned]
Cheryl: Please, I have eyes. I saw you lounging together at my pool party looking like a community theater production of the Talented Mr. Ripley. The Moose ship has been trouble from the gay get-go. Maybe it’s time you move on?
Kevin: I can’t go back to Fox Forest.
Cheryl: Oh, sullen tender-hearted Kevin. I’m not talking about cruising, I’m talking about Bumble.

Cheryl: You can stay here for as long as you like. Even ... permanently?
Toni: You mean, like, move in with you?
Cheryl: I’m cuckoo bananas for you, Humphy. Won’t you move in?
Toni: As long as I’m the big spoon.
[They kiss on the bed]

Penelope: I’ve heard of this game before. We shouldn’t play it; it doesn’t belong to us anyway.
[FP takes the game from her]
FP: “Gryphons and Gargoyles.” I thought this was an urban legend.
Fred: I heard some kids have been playing it at Seaside.
Hermione: I heard one of them had a heartache and died.
[Betty takes the game from FP]
Alice: In that case, we definitely have to play it. Right?

Veronica: Serpettes, have either of you seen Jughead? I have a problem that his name scribbled all over it.
Cheryl: You mean True Detective?
[Veronica nods]
Cheryl: He’s busy canoodling Nancy Drew no doubt. How can we help?

Cheryl: Greeting chums! I wanted to let you know that after the three *amazing* months I just had with Toni riding our motorcycles cross-country, we’re celebrating with an epic end-of-summer pool party at Thornhill. And you’re all invited! Of course, given the fact that Archie will most likely walking the green mile while the rest of us are walking the stage at graduation, I understand if you’re not up for it. Invite whoever you want, but give them fair warning: I’m in the mood for some hell-raising. Tootles!

Cheryl: Betty, it’s okay, it wasn’t Chic.
Betty: But it could’ve been. Chic is probably out there with a bullet in his forehead or...
Cheryl: Or he got away and he’s on a train back to Transylvania.
Betty: I delivered to The Black Hood, Cheryl. That makes me a murder. I’ve been trying to prove my dad’s a killer, when really all I had to do was look in the mirror. Oh God! He got what he wanted. We’re the same.

I also feel it my duty to say that like the furies of ancient Greece who ceaselessly pursue blood atonement when a crime’s been committed, the Vixens and I vow that we will not rest until those responsible for the murder of our sister is rightly punished.

Cheryl

Cheryl: If you so much as pluck one hair from Nana Rose’s little head, I’ll end you. I burned one house down, I’ll happily burn down another.
Penelope: Nightmare child, what do you want from me?
Cheryl: I want to be emancipated. I want Thistle House all to myself; my Nana. Start packing for me. You and Uncle Claudius are pig people; you should live amongst the pigs.

Cheryl: Kevin! I hear I’m back just in time for Carrie: The Musical, which you’re directing.
Kevin: You are. I’m having auditions this afternoon.
Cheryl: Cool. As far as the lead role is concerned, cancel them. I’m obviously Riverdale High’s Carrie White.
[She turns away to leave]
Cheryl: School’s gonna burn.

Cheryl: Inner circle, cousin Betty, I didn’t just bring you to Thistle House for a girlish slumber party. The truth is I’m terrified of being alone here. There’s a stranger in this house. My uncle Claudius, he’s as mad as the sea ever since he blew in, I feel like I’m in mortal peril.
Toni: Wait, I’m confused, is this real or are we playing a game?
Cheryl: All too real. T.T., I fear they’re plotting against me and Nana Rose.

Cheryl: As the one true Blossom heir, I feel it is my sacred duty to say a few words. The Blossoms have been bathing in blood since Great Grandpapi killed his brother. The original sinner of Riverdale. Well, I stand here before you today to say: No more. No more blood. No more madness. No more horror.

Alice: I knew it!
Hal: Alice, what the hell are you doing here?
Alice: Accusing you publically! You only wanted a divorce so that you could cheat me out of your big fancy Blossom payday.
Hal: It’s not just my payday, the girls share Blossom blood too.
Alice: My attorney is going to rip you apart! Isn’t that right, attorney McCoy?!
[Alice cuts off Sierra McCoy]
Alice: I will be taking half of whatever blood money you get from this inbred sesspool of a family. Yeah, that’s right, I said inbred.
[The crowd whispers]
Penelope: Would you please just leave?
Alice: Shut your face, you half-melted ten cent Trollope.
Toni: This is riveting.
Cheryl: I can’t breathe.

Madelaine Petsch Quotes

Veronica: Wait, Cheryl, does that mean you're taking the Vixens back from me?
Cheryl: But really, Veronica...where they ever yours?
Betty: Cheryl, we were wondering if maybe the Vixens could help at an event to help save Pop's?
[Cheryl sighs and claps]
Cheryl: Oh, Betty. I did not emerge from the frozen depths of Sweetwater River, nor the flames of Thornhill, to allow my Vixens to sling milkshakes at some death curse diner. The answer is a double cherry on top "No."

Betty: Why are you asking me so many questions about Polly? Cheryl?!
Cheryl: Because, you dumb cow, someone shot my brother and I think it was your crazy tweaked-out sister.