Cheryl: Well, well, well. Stop the presses! The Riverdale rag finally reported a story accurately. Not only is there going to some hideous janky parade snaking its way through town, you four are the architects of this outrage.
Veronica: What’s your problem, Cheryl?
Cheryl: My problem, Veronica, is that the Fourth of July is a day of tragedy for Riverdale. Not celebration. Or have you forgotten what happened to my poor brother Jason?
Betty: Cheryl, Riverdale hasn’t held a parade out of respect for what happened to your brother in like years. It’s time.
Jughead: I mean, you don’t have to come.
Cheryl: Oh, I’ll be there, Insufferable Smurf. Front and center. With a sign of protest in one hand and a horn of compressed air to silence any revelry in the other.

Betty: Cheryl, The Farm is a front. Kevin ... Fangs ... Edgar took their kidneys. There’s a refrigerator filled to the brim with human organs. The Farm is an organ farm!
Cheryl: Are you trying to get shipped off to Shutter Island, you lunatic?
[Betty opens the cooler to reveal an organ]
Cheryl: Oh my God! Is that?
Betty: Yes! Cheryl, what if this is why he keeps adopting kids? For his human chop shop. Based on the price list in the infirmary, it’s lucrative as hell.

Toni: I’m sorry you won’t get to be prom queen, babe. I know how important it was to you.
Cheryl: It’s okay, Ti Ti. Edgar gave me something better than a queenship: humility.
Toni: You can’t mean that.
[Cheryl sighs]
Cheryl: No, you’re right. I can’t and I don’t, and suddenly being a “Farmie” is making a lot less sense to me.

Cheryl: Good morning, my dear Riverdale High constituents and comrades. A lot of you have been asking about The Farm’s student advocacy group. Well, here’s the skinny: Sign-up sheets are posted throughout the school; the club is open to all students. Where the one becomes many, and the many becomes one. So, uncap those pens, sharpen those pencils, and sign up. A little birdie told me it’s what all the cool kids are doing

Kevin: Given how much dancing there is in Heathers, Evelyn and I felt that we should bring on a choreographer. So, give a big Heathers "hello" to Riverdale’s very own Fly Girl, Toni Topaz!
[Everyone claps as Toni walks onto the stage]
Cheryl: Ummm … does anyone have a chainsaw? Because WHAT. THE. F…!

Cheryl: Ummm, did you have a lobotomy for breakfast? You’re wearing my signature color!
Toni: You don’t own the color red. Red existed before you.
Cheryl: Not at Riverdale High. Here, I invented red. I am red.
[Cheryl snaps her fingers and two girls stand behind her]
Cheryl: Sorry, but this school is not big enough for the both of us, faux-pink lady. And I was here first. Go to Centerville High or Westerberg, I don’t care. But you have until first bell Monday to clear every trace of yourself out of these halls. Copy?
[Cheryl flips her hair in Toni’s face and walks away]

Toni: Cheryl, I love you. And yet, I can’t spend all my time cooped up in that house and in your bedroom.
Cheryl: Our bedroom!
Toni: That’s exactly it, it doesn’t feel like our bedroom. It’s entirely yours ... your space.
Cheryl: It sounds, Toni, that you regret moving in with me.
Toni: Well maybe it was too soon? Too fast.
Cheryl: In that case, maybe you moving out is exactly what needs to happen!
[Cheryl walks away]

Toni: Babe, you wear many hats.
Cheryl: Stunningly.
Toni: But when you put on that purple jacket, you represent our gang. And now Weatherbee is out for our blood!
Cheryl: I can handle Weatherbee.
Toni: Cheryl, I don’t want to have to suspend anyone for loose cannon behavior. Least of all my own girl friend.

Sweet Pea: Look, girls, we don’t want any trouble from your little sorority.
Cheryl: Don’t call us “girls,” and don’t belittle us.
Fangs: Or what? You’re going to challenge us to a pillow fight?
[Awkward silence]
Sweet Pea: Seriously Cheryl, what is this?
Cheryl: We’re the Pretty Poisons, Pea Brain. And we’re here to deliver a message to you and your leader that we are not to be dismissed or trifled with.
[Cheryl starts walking away and the Pretty Poisons move forward]
Cheryl: Ladies, introduce yourselves...
Fangs: Hey, take it easy.
Sweet Pea: We don’t want any trouble.
[The Pretty Poisons beat up Fangs and Sweet Pea]

Kevin: Well, there’s this guy and we’ve been having problems...
Cheryl: Moose, you mean?
[Kevin is stunned]
Cheryl: Please, I have eyes. I saw you lounging together at my pool party looking like a community theater production of the Talented Mr. Ripley. The Moose ship has been trouble from the gay get-go. Maybe it’s time you move on?
Kevin: I can’t go back to Fox Forest.
Cheryl: Oh, sullen tender-hearted Kevin. I’m not talking about cruising, I’m talking about Bumble.

Cheryl: You can stay here for as long as you like. Even ... permanently?
Toni: You mean, like, move in with you?
Cheryl: I’m cuckoo bananas for you, Humphy. Won’t you move in?
Toni: As long as I’m the big spoon.
[They kiss on the bed]

Penelope: I’ve heard of this game before. We shouldn’t play it; it doesn’t belong to us anyway.
[FP takes the game from her]
FP: “Gryphons and Gargoyles.” I thought this was an urban legend.
Fred: I heard some kids have been playing it at Seaside.
Hermione: I heard one of them had a heartache and died.
[Betty takes the game from FP]
Alice: In that case, we definitely have to play it. Right?

Madelaine Petsch Quotes

Cheryl: Well, well, well. Stop the presses! The Riverdale rag finally reported a story accurately. Not only is there going to some hideous janky parade snaking its way through town, you four are the architects of this outrage.
Veronica: What’s your problem, Cheryl?
Cheryl: My problem, Veronica, is that the Fourth of July is a day of tragedy for Riverdale. Not celebration. Or have you forgotten what happened to my poor brother Jason?
Betty: Cheryl, Riverdale hasn’t held a parade out of respect for what happened to your brother in like years. It’s time.
Jughead: I mean, you don’t have to come.
Cheryl: Oh, I’ll be there, Insufferable Smurf. Front and center. With a sign of protest in one hand and a horn of compressed air to silence any revelry in the other.

Betty: Why are you asking me so many questions about Polly? Cheryl?!
Cheryl: Because, you dumb cow, someone shot my brother and I think it was your crazy tweaked-out sister.