Edgar: The Ascension is upon us. Tonight.
Alice: The Ascension? Tonight?
Edgar: Yes, preparations are being made.
Alice: I need to find Betty. Have you seen her?
Evelyn: She escaped ... with Toni Topaz.
Alice: Escaped?
Edgar: She was never a believer like you, Alice. So, we will ascend without her.

Betty: The past is part of who you are. You’re Alice Cooper! You bought a house on Elm Street. You painted our door red.
Alice: I lived with a murderer in that house!
Betty: You raised me and Polly in it too! Bad things happen, but you can’t get rid of your past because then you’d lose the good parts too.
Alice: There’s been so much pain.
Betty: I know, I know. But, that’s what makes us stronger. Edgar doesn’t see that.

Alice: Do you love her, FP?
FP: She’s the mother of my children.
Alice: And me? Do you love me?
FP: Doesn’t matter now. It’s over. I’m sorry.

Alice: First off, I’d like to say this is a wonderful place to raise a family. Many a fort were built by my two girls in this very room.
Betty: And bonus, it’s also where my serial killer father showed us creepy snuff films.
Alice: [She laughs] Elizabeth! Shouldn’t you be at school?
[Alice changes topics]
Alice: We have wonderful schools in this district. Oh, I see that you eying the fireplace, which is original to this house.
Betty: Yes, which comes with accessories, like the shovel, which my mother used to knock out my father, the notorious serial killer, “The Black Hood.”
Alice: It’s true, you can Google it. But make sure you look up “Alice Cooper” and not “Alice Smith.” It’s all there. Or try “Murder House on Elm Street.” That’s this house.

Hermione: We’re not really taking this seriously, are we?
Tom: I think we have to assume this is real for our kids’ sake.
Hermione: And then what? We’re just supposed to leave them home alone all night while we run around pretending to be teenagers again?
Alice: May I remind you what happened last Ascension Night? Someone ended up dead!
Penelope: We don’t have any choice in the matter. We all know why this is happening again ... and now. Two members of the original Midnight Club are daring to get married, to be happy. And the Gargoyle King, whoever and whatever he is, wants to destroy that. He is a vicious and petty god, and if we don’t finish the game now, the Gargoyle King is never going to leave us alone.

Hermione: Alice! We promised each other we would never talk about this. I mean, who else did you tell?!
Alice: I only told Betty to protect her, so she wouldn’t play the game
Betty: And it worked, I’m not playing the game. But many of your kids are; this is about protecting your kids. Do you care?
Sierra: Care?! Josie had a seizure this morning. I should be with her right now, not here rehashing the past when it has zero relevance.
Betty: Attorney McCoy, it is relevant! Your daughter is playing the game. Along with Kevin and Cheryl, and even your son Reggie, Mr. Mantle. No matter how many black eyes you give him.
Marty: I would never hit my son.
Betty: Another lie.

Penelope: I’ve heard of this game before. We shouldn’t play it; it doesn’t belong to us anyway.
[FP takes the game from her]
FP: “Gryphons and Gargoyles.” I thought this was an urban legend.
Fred: I heard some kids have been playing it at Seaside.
Hermione: I heard one of them had a heartache and died.
[Betty takes the game from FP]
Alice: In that case, we definitely have to play it. Right?

Alice: Forsyth Pendleton Jones Jr. He was the BMOC. An all-American athlete, a “stud muffin” as we used to say. He was different back then, Betty. Trying to be something different than what he was, but still trouble.
[Flashback returns to present]
Alice: I was as tough as nails, but around FP, silly putty. Even in detention with the secret growing inside me, I hated him … but I wanted him.
[Betty waves for her mom to stop]
Betty: Ugh, okay, okay, Mom. I get it.

Betty: Juniper and Dagwood, are they alright?
Alice: Okay, here we go again.
Polly: Juniper and Dagwood are napping. They’re fine. Why wouldn’t they be?
Betty: Ummm, because I saw you and Mom throw the twins into a giant bonefire last night.
Alice: Okay, that’s enough! The only thing burning last night was the hibachi in the backyard. We were making skewers with a few friends.
Betty: From The Farm?
Alice: Yeah, as a matter of fact.
Polly: You must’ve had a hallucination from the seizure.
Betty: It was so real.

Alice: These diaries are your past, and your past is crushing you. Edgar says that...
Betty: What, Mom? What does some guru who’s running a heaven’s gate commune for pregnant runaways and wives of serial killers have to say about my diaries?
Alice: We know that you look down on the Farm, Betty. But, Edgar has done nothing but help me. He’s encouraged me to embrace everything that I was ashamed of and become the best version of myself.

Hal: Penny for your thoughts, Hun?
Betty: I was thinking he was a test.
Hal: Who was?
Betty: The imposter, Chic, everything that he did to us, brought to us, was kinda a test. But, we survived and we’re stronger for it.
Alice: Well, that remains to be seen.
Betty: No, Mom, we are. And we’ll survive whatever comes next.

Betty: Mom...
[Alice is overcome with emotion on stage]
Alice: Don’t leave me, Betty. Don’t leave me like all the others.
[Alice runs off from the stage]
Kevin: Am I directing a train wreck? Now where’s my tea?

Mädchen Amick Quotes

Mrs. Cooper: Hermoine Lodge. Park Ave Princess to cater waiter.
Mrs. Lodge: Alice Cooper. No longer lactose intolerant, I see.
Mrs. Cooper: How's Veronica? Oh, you don't even know, do you? The things they're saying about your daughter at school?
Mrs. Lodge: What things?
Mrs. Cooper: Slut-shaming. It's what they call it when sluts get shamed.

Betty: You should be writing about the real story. What happened to Jason? Who was holding him captive? Why was he frozen? And who shot that gun on July 4?
Mrs. Cooper: Yes, well if you're so keen on reporting, then why don't you come work with your father and me? The Register could really use a Lois Lane type like you.