Cole Sprouse Quotes
Archie: Is he okay? Is he alive?
Veronica: No, he’s not. He’s dead.
Jughead: R.I.P. Mr. Honey.
Cheryl: Poor Ms. Bell, you’ve fallen under the monster’s spell.
Ms. Bell: Do any of you have any idea what that man has done for this school? This year alone, he personally arranged for six low-income students to go to colleges on full scholarships.
Jughead: Wait, really?
Ms. Bell: Also, this year’s average GPA is higher than it’s been in decades, and more seniors will be going to college since 1956. Oh, and of course, no students have died under his watch.
Betty: You’re a copycat, Mr. Honey, and not a very good one. Using the Voyeur’s M.O. to ramp up your personal feud against me and my friends…
Mr. Honey: Feud? I’ve been trying to protect you.
Jughead: The only person we need protection from is you, Mr. Honey. You’re deranged.
Mr. Honey: I was trying to help you. To prepare you for a life outside of Riverdale.
Betty: Does this band have a name?
Archie: It’s … The Archies,
Jughead: What? Was the Me, Me, Mes taken?!
Archie: We can change the name.
Veronica: No! The Archies … I like it.
Betty: The sequence holds true for every ghostwriter who proceeded them. It’s actually incredibly simple.
Jughead: Which brings us to a couple of months ago when I was awarded the contract. Why? To put a target on my back. Probably because I was already circling the truth, so he gave you guys a new challenge: to commit the perfect murder against me and be awarded the contract.
Betty: So, the million-dollar question is, “Who was going to kill Jughead and how?”
Mr. DuPont: Well, Mr. Jones…
Jughead: Shut up!
[The room silences]
Jughead: Mr. DuPont, as they say in Lord of the Flies, “I have the conch.”
Jughead: What, did you miss me?
Bret: You’ve got to be kidding me?!
Mr. DuPont: Mr. Jones, we all thought you were…
Jughead: That I was dead?! Yeah, for a minute there I thought I was too.
Jughead: Hey, what’s that often-used Mark Twain quote? “Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated.”
Joan: What is happening right now?
Betty: It is called getting your comeuppance, Joan.
Mr. Dupont: We’re also terminating your Baxter Brothers contract for failure to deliver satisfactory material by March 15th.
Jughead: This Friday? As in The Ides of March?! Well, it’s only Monday, I still have time.
Mr. Dupont: Your rejected novel took you months to write. What makes you think you can write an entirely new one in five days?
Jughead: Watch me!
Brett: Turns out, I do have a videotape of you and Ponytail doing the nasty. If you so much as utter a “j’accuse,” I will release it wide.
Jughead: You think blackmail is going to stop me?
Brett: Yes, because you’re a hopeless romantic. That tape might not hurt you, Jones, but it will destroy Betty. Something like that will haunt her for the rest of her life. So, what’s it going to be: you want to continue this sad attempt at martyrdom or you gonna protect the honor of your precious girlfriend?
Mr. Dupont: Forsythe’s best work stems from his personal experiences. Might I suggest you start there?
Jughead: What about a dark and ominous force that threatens the town of Seaport? An obsessed killer who is looking to expose the hypocrisy and sins of his neighbors. The Baxter Brothers discover that man unleashing his righteous rage is the father of Bobby Baxter’s girlfriend, Tracy True.
Publisher: This sounds promising. What’s the name of the killer?
Jughead: “The Brown Hood.” If you give me a little time, I can come up with…
Publisher: No! We like this. If you ask me, this sounds like a million-dollar idea.
Jughead: Maybe I should put down the conspiracy theories and do the homework? You’re underpaid, aren’t you?
Mrs. Burble: And overqualified. Which means I don’t expect anyone to change habits overnight. If you’re going to see this mystery about the Baxter Brothers authorship through, don’t fall back on conjecture or righteous anger. Do the work. You know, investigate.
Jughead: That’s strike three, nowhere is going to be delivering through this ice storm. How about I just raid the vending machine?
Betty: Yes, I can finally live out my Charlie Brown fantasy of having junk food for Thanksgiving dinner. Yes! [Smacks bed!] Okay, I will have Stonewall’s finest chocolate chip cookies, chips, soda, and candies, please.
[Jughead slides off the bed]
Betty: Get yourself something too!